PROC Article Archive

Young Scientist Winner's Project is Pure Cork 15th Jan 2021 An algorithm that detects bluffers and chancers sounds like something you'd get if you hooked a USB cable up to Roy Keane's brain...

Putin's Potion and Other Safe Bets for 2021 4th Jan 2021 With the predictable HSE vaccine shamblefest would you take the Russian vaccine to be guaranteed a wet pub pint by Christmas 2023?

Words for Cork Exiles 23rd Dec 2020 As the four faced liar tolls its bells, to ring in a brand new year. Wherever you are when midnight strikes, know that your tribe still holds you dear...

Working From Home Reaching Peak Dreariness 7th Dec 2020 As the pandemic drags on and a dreary winter rolls in, the gloss is starting to come off the aul' working-from-home craic...

Grand Parade Panic Terror Frenzy Rampage Fear 23rd Nov 2020 Quick! Get into your panic room, take your cyanide tablets and make your last social media post because noisy young fellas on skateboards are having a bit of craic on Grand Parade...

Cranes, Planes and Mark Keane 20th Nov 2020 He dominated the Cork skyline against Kerry, the Aussie rules Rebel can Ronan McCarthy and the boys lift us out of a glum winter?

Cork Knock Kerry Out Cold 9th Nov 2020 Cork footballers beat the Kingdom at Páirc Uí Chaoimh in a soggy slugfest that has left Kerry reeling...

Guide to Recreating the Trip to Tipp at Home 30th Oct 2020 Have your own virtual Thurles experience at home with our top "tipps"...

De Jazz That Never Was 23rd Oct 2020 We should be gearing up for the de jazz instead of NPHET’s No Craic weekend...

Here's What Level 6 Lockdown Will Look Like 5th Oct 2020 The Dublin government's chief medical officer has asked Turner’s Cross Mick to put the whole country into the maximum level of lockdown, but if level 5 doesn’t work, where to then?

All-Ireland Winners Should be Allowed Park Where They Want 30th Sep 2020 Is it morally acceptable to issue a parking fine or a bollocking to great Cork sports people if they abandon their car wherever they want..

Show of Military Strength to Celebrate 20 Years of PROC 21st Sep 2020 Our low-key 20 year celebrations begin with a flyover of the city centre by the PROC air force and a military parade...

HSE Could Trial Conor McGregor Style Press Conferences To Get Covid Message To Dubs 14th Sep 2020 With ten times more covid in Dublin than in Cork, public health officials should try to communicate with Dubs in a language they understand...

Government To Use Drone Strikes On Student Parties 3rd Sep 2020 Military drone will detect suspected student parties by searching for clusters of tik tok app users and cross referencing it with the smell of bedsit mould and puke...

Every Fela Is Welcome in Cork 3rd Aug 2020 And beours too, obviously, like. A few words about our new traffic box art piece on South Mall...

A Guide to Cork for Light Rail Planners 31st Jul 2020 Rule no.1 if you're coming down from the NTMA in Dublin to show your street train plans: don't photoshop a Dublin LUAS on to Cork streets. We are better than that, feen..

The Cork Hajj - Taking Tae On Gougane Barra Mountain 20th Jul 2020 Even without a global pandemic, you don't need to leave Cork to see the most beautiful sights on earth and have an outer body experience...

Spraycations: 18,362 reasons to Holiday in Cork 7th Jul 2020 There really is no reason to leave Cork for your holiday this year..

State of Hairmergency To End 25th Jun 2020 If birds are starting to land on your head piece or you've mangled it trying to add your own highlights, the wait is nearly over as hairdressers and barbers reopen....

Myrtleville Mayhem and Phase 2 Beach Panic 1st Jun 2020 When the 5km travel restriction increases to 20km, close to 200,000 Cork city citizens will be able to flock to three or four small beaches like Myrtleville and Rocky Bay....

PROC Lockdown Lives: Finbarr Makes That Call 6th May 2020 Even though there are reasons to justify it in his own head, Finbarr* knows this is wrong even though the young woman who he contacted seems to be fine about it...

Street Dealer Can Do You 5 Litres of Weathershield On Tick 20th Apr 2020 As the lockdown drags on and patience grows thin among the population, Corkonians are taking risks and doing all sorts of things they would never have done before...

One All-Nighter On The Lash Per Week Per Child 6th Apr 2020 To help morale, the post-covid rewards for parents locked down with kids for weeks on end have been published...

Toddler Emailing Mam's Boss While She Blacks Out on Couch 3rd Apr 2020 Don't worry if you're a sleep deprived parent whose childless boss expects you to maintain full productivity while minding a toddler on your own, they can help you stay on top of things while you sleep...

Ughhhhh: Imagine Shifting Someone You Just Met in a Pub 3rd Apr 2020 As utterly revolting and criminally unhygienic as it sounds in the middle of the corona crisis, one day soon Corkonians will once again swap saliva in public and nobody will bat an eyelid....

Dollar and Euro Plummet Against Toilet Roll 18th Mar 2020 In another disastrous day of trading in currency markets worldwide both the euro and dollar have plummeted against the toilet roll.

PROC's Lockdown Survival Tips For Exhausted Parents 18th Mar 2020 Running out of ideas and sanity quickly during the lockdown? Next time you get more than 25 seconds to yourself, read our top tips to not having your children taken from you by the High Court....

Corona Virus and Carbon Footprint: More Reasons To Never Leave Cork 5th Mar 2020 Even if you don't believe in climate change or you just don't give a hoot, your carbon footprint and the Chinese snots are great excuses to stay in Cork

A List For Mick 24th Feb 2020 We are being softened up for a Fianna Fáil/Fine Gael coalition so it's a good time to make a list of what Cork expects if Micheál Martin becomes Taoiseach...

How a United Ireland Could Herald A People's Republic 24th Feb 2020 If Nordies are to be persuaded to vote to join a country that is Europe's most capital-centric nation, then the Republic's toxic Dublin bias must be eradicated....