10 Reasons We Love De Jazz

23rd Oct 2013

A definition of ‘jazz’ might result in a phD thesis but pop the definite article before it and add a Cork accent and now things become a lot simpler. ‘De Jazz’ is  a weekend of epic craic and daycint tunes on Leeside and it’s just hours away now so here’s our list the official top ten best things about the jazz festival:

1. It’s Rain Proof
Send in all the Atlantic lows, kinky Jean Byrne’s to distract us from the bad news and small craft warnings you want. Shower the city with rain and whip it up with a force eight - unlike other festivals the rain can’t spoil this one.

The forecast isn't great but it doesn’t make much of a difference as 99% of the craic will be held under roofs out of sight of Mother Nature. More rain when clubs and pubs close means less Neanderthal  hand-bagging on the street afterwards too.
 

If it rains this weekend remember, it could be worse

2. The Prodigal Jazzers Return
Aside from de crissmuss, de jazz is the next most important weekend that will get all those exiles in Dublin flooding back down the M8 with their stories of the traffic  and how Cork really needs a pop-up chicken restaurant. Mothers all over Cork never want to have to utter the sentence “what do you mean you’re not coming down home for de jazz?”.

The shame heaped upon a family when a son or daughter doesn’t come down from Dublin for the October bank holiday is often unbearable.

3. Biggest Buzz of the Year
Sometimes people describe journeying on the London Tube as a metaphor for impersonal unfriendly urban living. De jazz is a metaphor for the opposite – super-craic, pro-banter and almost distressingly friendly.

Tourists are so blown away by the cead mile fáilte and local charm that many ordinary Corkonians end up as God parents to children they’ve never met, shareholders in foreign companies they know nothing about and guests at weddings in Kentucky of people they’ve no recollection of meeting in Cork (you’d head over anyway like for the craic).

4. No clash with the county final
Because we spent half the summer building up to two All-Ireland finals the club championships have been delayed so the senior county hurling final between Midleton and Sarsfields isn’t on until Sunday November 3^rd. No peering through one badly hungover eye in a Guantanamo Bay torture seat below in the Pairc.
 

If you're skint there'll be plenty of live acts playing on Pana and a ton of free indoor gigs too

5. It’s Not Arthurs Day
Diageo might be in town for the weekend but this is definitely not the Arthur’s Day so there’s less of a desperate ‘please drink our product‘ vibe. You don’t have to be in a certain age bracket to feel part of it either.

6. The Music  
The line-up for this year’s festival is as good as any before it with several gigs like Chic in the Opera House and Snarky Puppy in the Everyman sold out weeks ago but aside from the big name events there is a ludicrous amount of music on – much of it free. Check out this week’s Downtown supplement for a guide to some of the best gigs you’ll see in Cork this year.

7. It’s a Bank Holiday
With most festivals, including those like Electric Picnic, the Monday after a huge weekend of music and booze can be one of the worst days of your life. The jazz is perfectly set up to give you a full 24 hours of feet-up box-set convalescence at home to ward off the threat of a bout of pre-November man-flu.
 

The wife will love it

8. That’s It! I’m Getting’ Lessons!
“I’m definitely taking up the bass tuba” is one of many, albeit possibly inebriated, brain-farts that will echo around the heads of us patrons’ as we are mesmerised by instrumental wizards and jazz ninjas over the weekend.

Some slouchy looking nerd you spot off stage can suddenly transform into sensationally smooth performer on stage with crowds of old dolls all around you swooning at the size of his horn. Sign me up quick bubbila!

Kegs of the Dublin brew lined up outside the Opera House ahead of the weekend

9. Black And White
The local stout blackout is annoying but if it’s good for anything it means there’s little procrastination from your fellow stout drinkers when you’re taking orders for a trip to the bar. It’s black or white:  you’re either having a Guinness or you’re not.

10. Local Bands Are Up The Walls
Even though it is run from Dublin and the festival brings in plane loads of international acts, local Cork bands and DJs of all genres are in big demand from Thursday through to Monday evening which wins important influential hearts and minds in the local music scene. And a few bob to replace dodgy cables that give soundmen panic attacks.