A Children's Tale: Cork's Magical Musical Hall

3rd Feb 2020

Next Tuesday will be the fourth anniversary of the infamous turning of the sod at the, still unbuilt, event centre on South Main Street.

Any child born in Cork that day in 2016 will be having their fourth birthday party this weekend. By now they are fully functional mini Corkonians – they can walk, run, talk and – if the parents are doing a half decent job – be handy enough with a length of ash and a sliotar.

With four glorious years of growing up in Cork under their belt, they are also now old enough to understand the event centre tale….

Cork's Magical Musical Hall

Once upon a time, a powerful prince who was very rich and powerful because of the taxes he took from local peasants made a promise that he would build a big magical music hall to make the peasants happy.

He promised that the magical music hall would be full of song and laughter. The peasants liked the prince. They said he was kind.

“Today, in this field,” said the prince, “we will begin work on a magnificent music hall that will put joy in the hearts of all the people”.

Four years passed and the peasants were unhappy because the music hall had not been built. Many peasants were angry because the prince still took taxes from them, but he had not fulfilled his promise. The field where the prince said the music hall was to be built was still just an ugly, empty field.

Soon, the prince came to the city again from a different and dangerous faraway city where he spent most of his time. He told the peasants that if they paid him more taxes and voted for him again, he would definitely build the music hall and they would all be happy. He would also build houses for the people who had none. And hospitals for when they were ill.

“Today, in this field,” said the prince, “we will begin work on a magnificent music hall that will put joy in the hearts of all the people”.

There was a great quietness among the people. They had heard him say this before. They were not sure whether they could trust this Prince.

Another prince, called The Other Prince, who really, really, wanted to become a King told the peasants that if the people made him the King then he would not only build the music hall, but they would pay less tax.

“Soon, in this field,” said The Other Prince, “we will begin work on a magnificent music hall that will put joy in the hearts of all the people”.

Some of the people thought this was a good idea because they liked music and they didn’t like paying taxes. Other people remembered that, long ago, this man had been a prince and he never built them a magical music hall, so they weren’t sure if his promise was really a promise and he sounded very like the first Prince.

Then, a princess from a different and dangerous faraway city, who really, really wanted to become a Queen told the peasants that if the people made her their Queen then she would be the one to build the music hall and they would all be happy.

“Soon, in this field,” said The Princess, “we will begin work on a magnificent music hall that will put joy in the hearts of all the people”.

Not only that, but she would build houses for everyone who wanted one and she would do it very quick - in about forty sleeps. She said she would build lots of hospitals for the sick as well as beautiful schools, made from bricks where all the children would be warm and happy.

She also promised he would build a magical railway for all the mummies and daddies to get to work quickly so they wouldn’t be shouting at each other on the roads in the mornings. And best of all, they wouldn’t have to pay any taxes at all.

The people were not sure. They wanted to be happy, but they didn’t know if they could trust people from the dangerous faraway city.

“I have an idea,” said one peasant to the two princes and the princess, “why don’t we have a King AND a Queen at the same time! Then, surely one of you will build the magnificent music hall so that all the hearts of the people will be filled with joy?”.

“But, I don’t like that Princess,” said the first Prince, loudly.

“Me either,” said The Other Prince, even louder.

“Agreeing a programme for government with these princes would be a major challenge,” said the Princess, cleverly not ruling out the possibility of forming a historic coalition with one of the two Princes.  

The people did not understand. They had no music hall, many of them had no houses and they didn’t like having to shout at people on the roads on their way to work, but they didn’t know who they could trust to make them happy again.

Then they had an idea.

“To the polling stations!” cried the peasants, “we will decide by proportional representation who we can trust the most”.

And that’s what they did.

The end.