A Guy Called Gerald

17th Nov 2006

A Guy Called Gerald
Finbarr Barry

Ger you wanna be the next Bainisteoir? You wanna sleep with the fishes?

With the appointment of a new Cork hurling manager over shadowing the U.S. mid-term election results most Corkonians are probably busy catching up with world events this week.

Thankfully, for those interested in international affairs, the PROC has learned that the White House has also delayed publication of the Iraq Study Group's much anticipated report on how to proceed in the war torn Middle East until after the launch of "Every Single Ball" - Brian Corcoran's memoirs which may again over shadow any gloss the Americans may try to put on their efforts to drag Iraq back into normality.

The St. Finbarr's Mafia
They always said people from Blackrock had big arses but Togher is where it seems the big hurling brains are nourished. The last four Cork hurling bainisteoirs: Jimmy Barry Murphy, Donal O'Grady, John Allen and now Gerald McCarthy are all curiously St. Finbarr's men.

Not having been anywhere near a senior county final in the last number of years one might suggest that The 'Barrs are starting to make the Da Vinci Code look like Goldilocks and the Three Bears such is their supreme power over hurling's ultimate seat of honour.

Justin McCarthy: not a direct decendant of St. Finbarr.

Divine Intervention
Grand Ayatollah Frank Murphy and his fellow imams on the County Board went after McCarthy like his name had been written in some holy book or

had been delivered to them on a piece of paper by the Lord himself. Once he signalled he was ready to take up the position nobody else was interviewed for the job.

While the philistines on the terraces shouted predictable (and worthy) names like 'Cunningham' and 'Morrissey' at the governor, he and his disciples had other ideas. One night after a tricky county board meeting it is alleged that Saint Finbarr himself appeared to the faithful in a cloud of smoke. Once it was ruled out that no Department of Health "smoking in the work place" rules were broken (as with everything a vote had to be taken) it became clear the County Board were in the presence of Somebody Special.

The patron saint of hurling was dressed in a white robe with the number "6" on it (he played half back for Aghabullogue before he moved up to Gillabbey to found his famous monastery) he spoke in a gentle voice with a discernable North Cork accent whilst levitating above several boxes of taytos left over from the stadium's shop after the county final.

After a brief explanation for his lack luster appearance - he had been giving Kilkenny's St. Canice a few tips on improving his sideline cut - he whispered the name of the new hurling boss to those in attendance.

Maintaining St. Finbarr's hurling blood line it seems is the key to Corkonian success and McCarthy is the next in line. JBM, O'Grady and Allen all brought the county to the highest stage in world hurling - each of them bringing the Rebels to All Ireland glory.

"Woe to he who does not carry out the will of the hurling Gods" were St. Finbarr's parting words and within a few short weeks McCarthy was converted and installed as the new Supreme Leader of Cork hurling.

All Ireland Champions 1977:Lamp the bazar up on McCarthy!

The Hair
Gerald McCarthy looks immaculate in his new press photos but it's not so long since his locks resembled something not out of place in Jerusalem in 33 A.D. or in an AC/DC video from 1976.

While most were rocking out or emigrating in the sixties and seventies McCarthy was busy preparing himself for glorying the great nation of Cork and the lengthy locks served him well. With Munster and All Ireland medals coming out of his ears he also has the incredible merit of being the one and only man to captain his side to All Ireland senior and U-21 glory in the same year. Beat that!

Charity Work
His charitable nature is also worth mentioning. He spent a number of years in the nineties over in Waterford helping the natives to understand the game of hurling, eventually bringing the savages to within a whisker of a Munster title.

While the man who took over the burden of Waterford, Justin McCarthy's chances of being a future prospect for the position on Leeside might seem brighter, it's unlikely Passage GAA can supply the necessary evidence of lineage to St. Finbarr that now seems to be required to become Cork Bainisteoir.

Direct Attack
George Bush's passing (the buck) game will be replaced by the Democrat's traditional approach of direct dialogue with rogue nations. Similarly it is expected that the new Cork boss will find himself in a similar situation - employing more direct hurling instead of the running game to win over the axes of evil in the Munster Championship.

The world's most powerful nation has, like the People's Republic, had a changing-of-the- guard but the strong blood line of supreme talent has thankfully been maintained.