Away Guide for GAA Supporters

12th May 2008

Cork Away Supporters Guide
Finbarr Barry

Fail to prepare then prepare to fail. On match days this applies to both John Gardiner's long range free taking and to the standard of ham and egg sandwiches you produce for your fellow passengers. Never dare include any surprises like relish, avocado or Tabasco. Stick with what you know best and keep her simple Finbarr.

White bread, a few inches of butter, a slap of ham and half a tomato. Any fooling around with anything you might have seen on telly and you'll be told to get down off your high horse and your hard work thrown to the pigeons around Thurles.

Note that sandwiches should only be cut into triangles for events equal to or bigger in importance than Munster finals. Not cutting the sambos straight across for minor events may cause some people to "lose the run of themselves".

Roadside sandwiches: nothing like it

Roadside Pleasure
Despite the long journey to Thurles on what should be Ireland's best road, the N8, there are no lay-bys with picnic tables or officials spots to pull in and set up a picnic. The reasoning is that Tipp planners assume that because it's nearly always raining in their county, there is little demand for outdoor activity that doesn't involve ploughing and/or running.

Instead GAA fans have used the hatch-back as their mobile picnic basket with all culinary delights laid out on an old sleeping bag or dog blanket in the boot before hand and revealed to the passengers once the vehicle is secured at the roadside.

The overhanging boot provides adequate shelter when in Tipperary-like weather conditions and the easy access to the car from the boot makes it easy for punters to make a quick get away if confronted by road pirates in Limerick.

De Tae
Whatever about your ability to provide plain straight-down-the-middle sandwiches, for the love of God don't get the tae wrong. Even calling it 'tea' will raise a few eyebrows and your enthusiasm for the hit-and-miss conversation about the English premiership on the way to Thurles might be enough circumstantial evidence to have your religion changed to Protestant.

This is as fancy as it goes. Anymore and you'll lose the run of yourself.

The sandwiches might be the most fulfilling hunger quenchers your fellow passengers have ever tasted but without the tae it's like starting a hurling match without the sticks. There wouldn't even be marks for effort. Call it off and go home.

Forget your anti-oxidant rich camomile "blends" and keep it simple and Cork. 'Treble bag' your flask and shut the lid for five minutes to make the tae robust enough to trot a mouse on it. Pour it fast and make sure there are sufficient left handers to keep everyone happy-dipping: rich tea, digestives and club milks. All flasks should be pre-heated from the night before to guarantee the maximum temperature of the liquid when it emerges at roadside.

God Made Corkman
Our highly detailed verifiable research shows that going to mass before a big game does pay dividends. The hurlers' unexpected defeat to Tipperary last season came on a rainy Saturday night in Semple Stadium, a few hours before the earliest vigil mass could be attended.

This gave the premier county pagans an advantage as Cork's holy following did not have an opportunity to ask favour of the Lord prior to the game. And we all know about that secret golden 'direct line' telephone up in the North Cathedral that the Vatican would die for. Richard

Real GAA fans know that this is the type of thing you could catch gay off.

Dawkins really needs to do some research on Leeside.

Learning De Banks
When American film writer Oscar Hammerstein penned You'll Never Walk Alone for his broadway musical he didn't think it would end up becoming the anthem for several major football clubs in the UK. Similarly, Dubliner Pete St. John who penned a song about some fields in a remote Galway town would be surprised to learn that his famous air is now the adopted anthem of Munster rugby.

Appropriately, GAA fans in the Rebel county have been keeping it Cork and managed to make a tune composed by natives the official anthem of Cork sport.

At every victorious moment in Cork sporting history the Banks of My Own Lovely Lee by JC Flanahan and Dick Forbes has been drummed out by the faithful so make sure you at least know the first verse (there are four) in its entirety as this is almost a prerequisite to obtaining a match ticket for either De Pairc, Thurles or Turners Cross.

You are now ready to proceed to support Cork.