Beach Reviews: Garryvoe

11th Aug 2006

Garryvoe

Another well kept blue flag beach this is a nice alternative to Youghal especially if you love a good swim. Like its eastern neighbour the tide rises high and drags an unmerciful amount of seaweed and pebbles on to the strand but the sand slopes up so there's usually somewhere to plonk yourself even if the tides right in.

There's ample space for ball games especially at the western end of the beach but the spattering of stones could get on your nerves as balls bounce unpredictably on the uneven surface sending you on long unnecessary journeys to retrieve them.

Garryvoe: ablue flag beach but the tide drags half the Celtic Sea on to the beach including stones and sea weed which attract millions of flies

Evidence that a 'slob culture' has arrived in Cork are worryingly evident at Garryvoe as the ice cream vans actually drive up and down the beach in front of you rather than forcing you to walk back up towards the hotel.

This cynical drive-by marketing really annoys parents as children who were happy making sandcastles a few moments earlier are now dancing up and down in hysterics demanding ice cream. Fattys love it though.

The 99s are good here too. Very good in fact and there's a few sources to choose from too. The shop near the hotel is best and if you get food poisoning at least you won't have to remember the reg of an ice cream van when you make a claim.

Garretstown also has the most visible chipper presence of all Cork's beaches which suggests those on diets should choose another spot to spend their sunny days although we do recommend the garlic mayo and chips from one of the vans to finish off a day's balming.

The seaweed and debris on the strand is unfortunately the downside on this already stoney beach and the result is swarms of flies that despite your best efforts will continue to drive you mad by landing on you while you try to rest. The minute you think you're safe you'll feel these extraordinarily stupid creatures landing on your arms, legs, feet, hair, fecking everywhere.

The most notable organised presence on the beach is that of the strange people who offer to mind your children and play games with them in a white tent.
 

Not quite wearing rosary beads around their heads or driving nails into their flesh, the colourfully dressed youngsters who instantly remind you of on-street charity muggers simply wish to impart the joyful Christian message to the little ones - our brief investigation determined the children and their parents seemed more than content with the service.

If you're edgy about the Christain Message, Garryvoe's answer to Perks is located up behind the beach. A pure daycint bouncy slide and a bouncy castle will keep any little ones you have in tow satisfied for a good ten minutes.

Top tip: Bring gallons of insect repellent to keep the flies at bay.