Beach Reviews: Myrtleville

14th Aug 2006

Myrtleville aka Myrtla

Cork Harbour to the left and France to the right

Although not as scenic as some of Cork's other beaches Myrtla is the closest beach to the city and ideal for those sudden urges to get to the coast for an hour. One minute you can be removing leaflets from your wipers in a city car park and a short trip later you can be flapping around like a dolphin in the sea in Myrtleville.

Although there's no official beach car park the approach road is wide and can facilitate lots of cars on either side without creating traffic jams. Its best to park on the main hill up towards Pine Lodge to escape home afterwards rather than trying to do Austin Powers style u-turns on the Fountainstown boreen road off to the right of the beach.

Since the main drainage scheme took thousands of tons of gank out of the Lee, the water at Myrtla while not quite Blue Flag standard yet and often unusually warm, is relatively clean these days.

Being close to urban areas like Carrigaline and of course the city itself Myrtla is also a haven for wackers and their scobey cohorts so choosing a good spot is vital to your enjoyment unless you're a Bob Marley fan and enjoy listening to One Love on repeat at an offensive volume. Unless its after 7pm normal people realise its impossible to play any sports on a crowded beach like Myrtla but there's something about Cork scobes that just love hearing the clatter of a cheap plastic soccer ball on a middle aged woman's head.

An aul toasted special up in Bunny's after a dip: savage!

Myrtleville's strand is reasonably clean and sandy although there is a higher chance than most beaches of digging up a nappy, the remains of a bonfire or cans of cheap cider than the blue flag beaches. On our most recent visit it wasn't possible to get a 99 in the otherwise well stocked shop but on the way home you can pop into Barry Collins Supervalu in Carrigaline if you're really hanging for one.

Swimming is average - lots of tide and consequently waves as its so close to the mouth of harbour so this suits messers with bodyboards and rubber dinghies quite well but not the type of feen who is serious about swimming (the langers who shout at you in swimming pools when you're going to slow in the lanes). The water gets deep nice and quick, without being dangerous for smallies, keeping the testacle misery of entering freezing Atlantic sea water to a minimum.

As much as the main drainage scheme has cleaned up the Lee don't be too surprised to see the odd shoal of mullet, a family of crisp bags or the occasional brown floater sidle up beside you while you execute the breaststroke.

Chemical factories like ADM about two nautical miles away have been known to casually disperse 250,000 tonnes of caustic soda into the Lee when they feel like it so the only way this gunk can exit the harbour is via Roches Point and Myrtla - therefore its not entirely ridiculous to pack a bright green chemical suit with your Bermuda shorts and suncream.

Top tip: Be dog wide of the rocks on the right of the beach as waves can unexpectedly pull you on to it. There's better swimming and diving around the corner in Poll Gorm.

Sand: 6.5/10
Swimming: 6/10
Parking: 9/10
Puck around space: 1/10
Scobe factor: red alert
Flies: mild irritation.
99 Cones: N/A