Cat-astrophe Waiting to Happen

5th Aug 2008

When Cork lost narrowly to the Cats in the famous 'long grass final' of 2006 Kilkenny fans invading the pitch screamed with delight as Cork were denied a famous three-in-a-row.

If there was ever a motivating poster for the Cork dressing room...

One Kilkenny fan that epitomised the taunting of Cork fans stood in the middle of Croke Park with a large yellow sign on which black letters read "Three in a row? I don't think so".

All of a sudden the Cat's shoe is on the other foot and pictures like these have resurfaced on the internet to jitter the nerves of every Kilkenny fan.

HISTORY LESSON
While Kilkenny purports to be a model GAA county, hurling in that jurisdiction has some slightly embarrassing roots according to some new evidence uncovered by a PROC historian from the toilets of a chipper in Urlingford recently.

Piecing together various pieces of graffiti revealed some startling new incites into the marble county. During occupation, Kilkenny was one of the British colonialists' biggest strongholds with locals queuing up to applaud the hoisting of Union Jacks, kissing pictures of English kings and adopting whatever entertainment their masters chose for them - tiddlywinks, Morris dancing and annoying variety shows hosted by the ancestors of Ant & Dec.

KILKENNYSHIRE
It wasn't long before cricket bats were introduced and Kilkenny became a bastion of bowlers and batters eventually leading to the decline of traditional Aran sweaters in favour of the sleeveless white v-neck pullover.

When Rebel Cork fighters secured freedom for the country in 1920 Kilkenny citizens were rumoured to be distraught and it appears they initially pleaded to be part of the six county deal that saw British rule continue in the north.

For obvious geographical reasons their wishes were not entertained beyond the pale and Kilkenny had to move fast to cover up its outrageous collaboration with the former enemy.

An order was given to compel every wood turner in the county to immediately reshape all cricket bats into hurleys lest they be accused of being colonial collaborators.

Within seven days the entire county was purged of all its cricket bats and Kilkenny became an overnight exporter of white "painters clothing". Although Rebels through out the country had suspicions about the sneaky tactics adopted by Kilkenny they had better things to be doing and thus Kilkenny was allowed to become a hurling county for the sake of the proliferation of Gaelic games.

The Red Sea on Hill 16 in 2006 swamped the pitifully small Kilkenny support

Until now, Kilkenny have managed to dupe the hurling fraternity, that they are a team worthy of the highest accolade. The reality is that Kilkenny have had an easy ride in Leinster for far too long and have no competitive matches until late August unlike Munster teams who are hard at it from the middle of May - a whole three months earlier - and whose players have their frenetic club championships to worry about too.

The hard fought battles of Munster make Kilkenny's annual waltz out of Leinster look meagre as they wait to pick off a jaded Munster side emerging from cataclysmic battles down south. This lack of 'cauldron hurling' has weakened the passion of Kilkenny fans, now far too used to success. Rebels have no such passion problems as they displayed in the matches against Clare and Galway.

REBELS RESPONSE
When Cork went seven points down against the Banner boys in Semple Stadium two weeks ago the roars of "Rebels! Rebels!" filled the stadium despite the grey outlook.

Again, in the second half after a Clare forward managed to get away with throwing the sliothar under Donal Óg Cusack's legs and into the net it didn't silence the Cork crowd.

While Kilkenny fans will no doubt travel in numbers they are, like Kerry supporters, a fickle bunch who only stir according to the passages of play on the field. Our supporters can secure a psychological boost for the Cork players by keeping noise levels to a maximum for the entire 70 minutes especially if things get hairy at the wrong end.

FLAG REVIVAL
In the mid nineties Cork fans were well known for the extensive colour they brought to hurling and football matches - particularly on Hill 16 in Croke Park. One of the great sources of entertainment was the diversity of flags that would appear among Cork supporters - any flag with red and white on it was game.

States like Japan, Canada, China and Russia (where hurling is as popular as it is in Kerry and Meath) had their national flags held aloft on the terraces - much to the bemusement of our opposition.

This of course was little to do with a shortage of Cork flags and more about the Corkonians' way of subtly suggesting their own team's international endorsement and possible future sovereignty.

The notion of vodka swilling Russians in Cork jerseys huddled around a TV screen in Siberia or a temple of Japanese martial arts experts in red silk gowns sitting cross legged next to a wireless roaring on the Rebels was the implied humour.

Through the website's sports discussion forum we have distributed over 30 international flags to committed Cork fans to help revive this great tradition that may give the players a boost as they look for inspiration in what will be the hardest game of their season to date.

The Cats will try to smother Cork's running game on Sunday and attempt to use negative Ulster football tactics to stifle the beautiful game but Gerald McCarthy is no spring chicken and will have his machine well primed for battle.

Flag bearers of any description should gather behind the goal on Hill 16 and be ready to wave their flags and roar on the Rebels come hell or high water.