Civil War Fear Over Ireland

4th Mar 2011

Stephen Ireland may be responsible for causing a civil war by claiming he would be shot if he comes back to Cork in an interview with the Irish Times. Although it is unclear who will do the shooting, he hasn’t ruled himself out.
 

IRELAND: Hair raising comments

A spokesman for Cha & Miah has confirmed that a fatwa has been issued on Ireland for what they refer to as “a gross insult to Cork”. All pubs are to close early tonight, the fountain will be turned off and the South American panpipe buskers who definitely play live (definitely) have been ordered to stay off the streets as an almost military curfew is imposed on the city.

PROC has learned that a crisis meeting of Cobh Town Council took place to discuss the hair-raising comments and the mayor of Cobh has asked Stephen to issue an apology.

The alternative is civil war

Bishop of Cork and Ross, John Buckley said that a series of masses will be held through out the county to pray for the British based footballer’s forgiveness. God has not yet issued a statement but it is understood that he is very unhappy with Ireland’s remarks about his homeland.

The bald facts emerged in a sensational interview with the player in Dublin-based publication the Irish Times in which it is alleged the Cobhonian said he would shoot himself if he had to move back to Cork. The boy has since claimed that his remarks were taken out of context and twisted around by the journalist. 

Hair we go! Hair we go! Hair we go!