Cork 1-27 Donegal 2-10

4th Aug 2009

Cork 1-27 Donegal 2-10

Donegal crushed by Cork

Donegal collapsed as fans were treated to a scintillating performance from Cork's footballers on Saturday in Croke Park. Fresh after their "mediocre at best" win against Limerick in the Munster Final the Rebels pounded the northerners with a stunning first half performance that ended any chance of a Donegal victory after twenty five minutes.

With a scoreline that looked more like a hurling league winter mismatch than an All-Ireland quarter-final the Cork footballers clocked up a goal and twenty seven points against the supposedly plucky Ulster outfit.

With the exception of their bulky full forward Donegal failed in every other field position: buckling at the back, melting at midfield and getting flahed in the forwards.

Cork were simply outstanding in every department: their bullish physical superiority, sizzling pace and sharpened skills were no match for the Daniel O'Donnell's of the GAA world.

Donegal's foul mouthed goal keeper provided the only modicum of entertainment. After every Cork score he abused his players in rather colourful fashion - much of which was picked up by the Dublin broadcaster's camera and sound men.

Pat Spillane orgasms on Dublin's TV station

This match was nothing less than men against mice and as the deflated Donegal lads left the field begging for their opponents jerseys, many of the Cork players still looked fit and fresh.

Had Kerry not decided to turn up the following day, one assumes that Cork would have happily taken on the Dubs and issued a similar drubbing.

Now that we're on the subject, Kerry's emphatic victory seemed to surprise commentators who had placed their faith in Dublin's pathetic wimpy "footballers". Every year the cute-hooring in Killarney seems to be lost on almost everyone outside of the People's Republic. Why do they keep falling for the feeble efforts Kerry put up before August and more importantly, why do the Dublin media endlessly promote the Dublin myth?

Dirty Aul Town's second collapse in two years was spectacular, bizarrely taking the heat off Donegal as the weekend's most embarrassing, most pathetic and most shite team. Even the heaving hoards of hot headed tabloid soccer chanters in Hill 16 sounded limp - abandoning their team at the earliest signs of failure now that the 'shooting fish in a barrel' that is the Leinster Championship is over for another year.

Bust, battered and bankrupt Dublin's players have until recently been as unpredictable as their fans' dental records. They, like other minnows, are finally predictable only in the sense that we know they are going to be awful. They will always crumble when faced with half decent opposition.

Dublin's GAA standards now lie with the Longford's, Louth's and London's of this world. Although to be fair to those three teams at least they have to play away games regularly unlike the Dubs who rarely leave their stinking urban cesspit to play opposition.

Time to shut up again.

Opposition, we note, that was crushed by Cork in Pairc Úi Chaoimh a few weeks ago. Draw your own conclusions quietly.

Meanwhile every pro-Kerry pundit is now trumpeting the Kingdom as All-Ireland champions because the Dubs were seen as serious contenders.

Pat Spillane after recovering from his intense anger with Donegal for not putting it up to Cork on Sunday was in fine form on Monday after the game - calling his native county's skills "orgasmic"

This maybe the first time in history that anyone besides the man himself has put 'orgasm' and 'Pat Spillane' in the one, distressing, thought but nonetheless this is what appears to really get the Kerryman's heart racing.

Pat and his ilk are now gleefully dancing around the media telling us how Kerry have been hiding in the long grass all along and that they are now a shoe-in now for Sam. The superlatives being wantonly attached to the likes of Gooch Cooper, Dara Ó Sé and Declan O'Sullivan are quite astounding.

These are the same men who wilted in the heat of Pairc Úi Chaoimh that are now being daubed Gods. We are being told that these Kerry "liginds" will simply have to turn up for their next two games and collect Sam Maguire when the final whistle blows.

Interestingly what seems to have inspired this Lazarus-like transformation from qualifiers to Croke Park was the fact that everyone had Kerry written-off: the old cliché that seems to automatically guarantee certain GAA teams an extra 25% going into a big match.

Now that Kerry are officially out of the closet one wonders if Pat's footballing "orgasm" was a little premature. And while Pat, Gooch and the lads hit the town to chose their suits for Kerry's victory dinner in September, Cork will keep their heads down while Mr. Spillane keeps on talking and orgasming.