Cork and Kerry Now Level on Aggregate

21st Aug 2006

Cynics 0-16
Cork 0-10

Kieran Donaghy awaits possession.

Kerry evened up this championship's score yesterday with a 6 point win over Cork Senior footballers making it one win each so far this season and the Kingdom deservedly advance to the final. Despite Kerry's victory Cork can take heart from the aggregate score which ties the counties - Cork beat Kerry by six points in the Munster final.

Having taken Kerry to the cleaners at midfield in that game the only option for the Kingdom was to eliminate Cork's midfield threat. The old Kerry saying of 'if you can't beat them - kick the shite out of them' applied as model sportsman Nicholas Murphy was given 'special attention' from the throw-in.

In a manner typically cynical of Kerry football, the Carrigaline Colossus was stamped on and conveniently injured in the first few seconds of the game thus leaving Cork's engine room running on empty for most of the game and starving Cork's forwards of decent possession.

Later Michael Shields was bludgeoned by a Kerry player. No free. Kerry point.

Anyone watching Paul Galvin digging and elbowing off the ball would have had to cover their children's eyes such was the behaviour of the man who was unsurprisingly sent off against Armagh in the quarter final. But that's Kerry - cute hoors who know how to win a game regardless of how its done.

Even with Kavanagh limiting the giant Donaghy to one point and a spirited Rebel performance, Kerry were more accurate, more skillful, far more cynical and much more clinical and as Billy Morgan (banished to the back of the lower Cusack Stand by the GAA) said afterwards they deserved their victory and a place in the All-Ireland final. We wish them a reasonable amount of luck, especially if they're playing the Dubs.

Kerry disco lights

The good news is that Billy is going nowhere and intends to stay on for at least another year and the signs already look good for next season. Many of Cork's new players lacked championship experience but two outings in Croke Park and a Munster final medal will certainly whet their appetites for 2007 and harden them to the unpleasant realities of the modern game. Thanks for the good times feens and we're looking forward to next year already.

CAO Points
In other related news, CAO points have been plummeting again this year so expect herds of even thicker students from Kerry to cross over the border into the People's Republic in September.

Remember to be patient and on your guard when driving around CIT or UCC - young Kerry students buckling under the liquid pressure of Freshers Week are least likely to recognise the significance of urban commonalities such as traffic lights and zebra crossings.

If you see one dancing around a traffic light late at night kindly inform him or her that nightclubs in Cork are actually held indoors and point towards the nearest licensed premises while keeping a safe distance at all times. Like their footballing hereos they may lash out at any time.