Cork Basketball Double on the Cards

22nd Mar 2011

Southsiders and those who might not follow Cork basketball as closely as other sports won’t be surprised to hear that Rebels are reporting excellent progress far from the frontlines this year.

The People’s Republic will be well represented at the national basketball finals this Sunday with Bord Gais Neptune representing Cork men and Brunell Ladies and Team Hotel Montenotte flying the flag for Leeside’s ladies - a guaranteed Cork victory. Both came through tough semi-finals, particularly Neptune’s second half come back against UL which left them just two points ahead of their opponents at the death.

Bord Gais Neptune

As with all trips to Dublin, Corkonians intent on travelling to Dirty Aul Town should be mindful that they are in an inferior city and are asked to act accordingly: loudly pointing out the superior nature of our stadium, how tidier our streets are, as well as obnoxiously issuing pointers to the Dubs on how they can improve their city to something approaching Galway or Waterford (to be fair setting the unachievable target of equality with Cork would be a step too far).

CORKNAVIGATION SYSTEMS

One of the upsides of visiting another city is the fun you can have comparing that city’s suburbs and thoroughfares to places in Cork to enable you to get your bearings a bit easier.

For example, if you visit New York you might assign Wall Street the tag of “the South Mall of the Big Apple”. So by imagining 3^rd Avenue as New York’s answer to Grand Parade thentheir East Village lines up perfectly with the well known pub and restaurant in Douglas, in your mind. Once you’ve got that sorted in your head the rest of New York is just filling in blanks – the Hamptons equals Carrigaline, Manhattan the equivalent of Cork’s central island etc.

Glanmire, also awkwardly known as Team Hotel Montenotte.

In Paris the Champs Elyssé is pure Mardyke. Why? Because at the end of the Champs is a well known structure called the Arc de Triomphe. They just pure copied Cork with the County Hall towering over the green leafy shades of the ‘Dyke.

Any Corkonian in his right mind who visits the so-called City of Love will immediately assign the Eiffel Tower the label of the Elysian – both are at the end of long roads full of traffic. And that’s Paris sorted as long as you substitute good chippers for patisseries.
 

DUBLIN’S STRANGER DANGER

For Neptune and Glanmire fans heading to Dublin this Sunday our message, as it is to the players, is ‘don’t be a bit afraid of it’. With the exception of the deplorable Temple Bar (which can only be compared to hell), many places in Dublin can be said to be similar to Cork - although one must always be careful not to make direct comparisons between beautiful Cork and dirty Dublin lest other Corkonians around you be offended.

Stand 15ft back and shoot for the baskets

Dublin’s O’Connell Street is their version of Patrick Street - just replace all the Cork shops in your mind with fast food joints and imagine a lot more fighting. Killester is like a pancake-flat Farranree with more horses and less hurling. Dame Street is like Oliver Plunkett Street without the civilised nature of a pedestrians-only rule and proper traditional pubs.

 

Brunell Ladies Baskeball club who play out of Gurranabraher

Anyway, when both Cork teams win on Sunday and celebrations kick off, fans should remain dignified and sporting at all times – shooting machine gun rounds into the air and launching industrial strength fireworks should only happe outside the stadium and competitions to see who can get a basketball into Molly Malone’s ifamous baskets (their answer to Father Mathew) at 3am from the traditional 15 feet distance must be kept orderly and fair.

C’mon the Rebels! Best of luck to all teams this weekend.