Cork Cars To Be Powered by Yokes

5th Jun 2013

In a major environmental engineering break through researchers in UCC have discovered a way to power vehicles with ecstasy tablets.

The drug, a favourite with clubbers in the nineties has been making a comeback in the recession due to the high cost of cocaine and has been used to power a car for the first time.

Dynamo harnesses were attached to the jaws of clubbers who had taken “at least a half” and it was observed that their gurning generated enough charge to power a small vehicle for up to six hours at 10kmph.
 

The new charging point for cars powered by E's on South Mall in Cork

“We are absolutely delighted with the results”, beamed a research spokesperson who wished to remain anonymous, “we didn’t stop hugging and shaking hands with each other for hours when the results came in”.

The team believe that demand for their product will continue to “get higher and higher” – possibly “‘til it reaches the sky”.

Similar to a bicycle dynamo, the ‘gurnamo’ device is based on an Ann Summers S&M product which can be easily altered to generate a.c. current and be connected to the national grid.
 

The new Toyota Sir Henry will be available in Cork soon

“Illegal raves that depend on diesel generators may be a thing of the past”, commented one Cork promoter, “all we have to do now is give everybody a few yokes when they arrive and hook them up to the lights and sound system”.

N.R.G.
The installation of an “E-car” charging point on South Mall in Cork is a testament to the government’s belief in the renewable ‘NRG’ sector.

Users of electric cars in the city can now charge up at a power point directly connected to some of Cork’s biggest yoke heads.