Cork Moments of 2010

28th Dec 2010

It's time to hand out the 2010 PROC Awards as we look over some of the most memorable moments of the year with red tinted glasses…

Best Cork Moment
The torrential rain from the clouds over Mordor poured down on them but they didn't give a hoot. The sight of the Cork footballers belly-sliding around Croke Park in a state of hysterical happiness having won the All-Ireland final against Down cannot be beaten as an unforgettable moment of the best type of Cork ecstasy.

Having spent twenty years waiting for the follow up to Larry Tompkins hoisting Sam above his head in 1990 and another five or six years banging down the door, the sense of relief almost usurps the joy.

Pulverising the Dubs came close, as did the pasting of Tipp down the Pairc in the hurling but seeing the footballers bounding around like possessed spring lambs after the final whistle that day surpasses everything else. You just can't bate silverware!

Heroes: Nic and Shielsy celebrating the All Ireland win in an appropriately manly fashion. Just look at that left handed Carrigaline choke hold.

Best Cork Family
Capitalising on the Lonely Planet accolade got off to a slow start for Cork and at times the promotion of the city, despite its very attractive and marketable quirkiness, can all seem a bit marketing-by-numbers and conservative.

Enter Crystal Swing. Their fun internet hit video She Drinks Tequila was watched by millions around the world and much of the time the Burke family humbly seemed to be more interested in promoting the Rebel County rather than themselves.

The group appeared on an American chat show hosted by Ellen DeGeneres and skilfully plamásed the yanks in a drive to help Cork grow the tourist trade it saw decimated by the travel tax imposed by the Dublin government.

OK, the group isn't going to win a Mercury prize but the best thing about them is their non-reaction to the swathe of internet begrudgers who resent the fact that there are still some genuinely nice people out there who just enjoy doing what they do. The Burkes are pure rebels.

The Burkes and that video

Best Sporting Comeuppance
Ahead of the All Ireland football semi-final Dublin fans on really believed they would beat Cork out the gate of Croke Park in the All Ireland football semi-final. The cockiness started after they pipped Armagh in the quarters and their fans established themselves as the boo-boys of Irish sporting culture as every opposing freetaker fell victim to the Dub's disgraceful and un-Gaelic like disrespect.

With ten minutes to go most of them were singing still Cork's supposed demise, swinging from the rafters of Croker talking about their best fifteen for the final. A few minutes later they sat in stunned silence as Rebels rejoiced. Cork fans walked through the streets of Dublin afterwards without having to say anything. The red jerseys, as usual, did the talking. Gotcha.

Best Victory by Another County
The great thing about Tipp winning the All-Ireland hurling final wasn't necessarily that Cork trounced them down the Pairc earlier in the year (although that was arguably the best 70 minutes of hurling the county has produced in years) but more that they stopped Kilkenny doing the five-in-a-row: there was hardly a Corkman who didn't punch the air when Lar Corbett machine-gunned the Kilkenny goal that day. Meeeeow.

Kilkenny failed to do five-in-a-row and were thrashed by Tipp (who were thrashed by Cork in May).

Best Blatant Anti-Cork Bias
Our waterproof proposal for the 2018 World Cup to be held in Cork was turned down despite sending a wealth of "gifts" to FIFA officials - clearly an anti-Cork bias at work and no doubt pedalled by the Dublin based FAI who have always disliked anywhere outside the Pale - especially Cork.

After Liverpool FC's visit to Dunmanway last year and the Lonely Planet accolade we felt everything was perfectly in place for a Cork victory. We really thought we had it in the bag.

Our presentation at FIFA Headquarters was to be entitled "Why would you NOT want every World Cup to be held in Cork?" but the bad news arrived before we'd booked our tickets - the Russians had clearly out-done everyone else's brown-enveloping.

Sadly our gifts mustn't have been good enough: the pallets of Clonakilty black pudding, the keg of Beamish, two barrels of Cully & Sully soups, a shipping container full Barry's Tea, the entire back catalogue of the Hollybough and other made-in-Cork delights wasn't sufficient enough to convince FIFA officials it seems. If its not an anti-Cork move our only conclusion must be that the FIFA blazers were more fond of the Murphy's than the Beamish. An honest mistake any Corkman could make. Next time.

Best Boost for Corkonian Independence
It might be a sad state of affairs for the Republic of Ireland but the EU/IMF take-over as our economic masters was always inevitable. Corkonians have predicted the demise of the Dublin political elite and their lapdogs for years on humble pages like these so the transfer of economic sovereignty from Dublin's political bunglers to Europe and the IMF didn't come as a surprise to us down south. At least people who can add and subtract are now manning Ireland's broken cash register.

Where we go from here is important. The breakup of the Republic of Ireland itself is not entirely unfathomable. We should signal Cork's willingness for independence as soon as possible and offer to restart the Irish Republic from the more grounded common sense bastion of the People's Republic. No doubt the offer will be rejected so we should seal the borders with snow while we have the chance.

Neurofen Plus: winner of the PROC Drug of the Year 2010. Triple drop these babies and watch your buzz go global.

Best Drug of 2010
This year was all about legal highs and that's not even including the football championship. There was stiff competition for this 'accolade' from head shop products and the furore they caused through the year but the ultimate prize had to go to an entirely legal drug and widely available concoction of chemicals whose effects caused a global news storm: neurofen plus.
The painfully public power of this drug was chronically under-estimated especially when the drug is taken on an aircraft at 30,000ft. The final element in this hedonistic mixture is to direct oneself in the direction of Cork which results in an uncontrollable and dangerous lust for pleasure that not many can eh…handle.

Best Roy Keane Moment
After his 2009 'the ball bounced in the six yard box' tirade against the FAI's hypocrisy on the Thierry Henry handball, Ireland's best footballer of all time gave a frank analysis of the English football team's World Cup performance to a journalist at the Ipswich training ground. The manner in which it was delivered has to be seen as it is classic Keano but suffice to say it was both truthful, humourous and typically accurate from The Boy. Dowtcha kid.

Interview of the Year with The Boy.

Best Double
It wouldn't be a proper Cork year without a double. Hurling is going through a rough patch at the moment, the minor footballers lost narrowly to Tyrone in the final, the camogie girls and ladies footballers for once didn't come out tops so the much coveted Cork 'double' was left to the county's top young brains.

Liam McCarthy and John D. O'Callaghan form Kinsale bagged the Irish AND European Young Scientist Awards for designing a cheap test for infection in cow's milk last year. Then just when we had finished slapping each other on the back for being so damn intelligent in Cork, along came Richard O'Shea from Blarney and his biofuel stove for developing countries to win the much coveted prize for the Rebel County again.

It's no wonder Europe want control of the country with talent like this flying around!