Cork V Tipp

24th May 2010

Deep breaths bubbila. If they haven't landed already the butterflies in your stomach should be arriving anytime soon in anticipation of the first championship game of the season as Cork and Tipperary do battle in the Pairc this Sunday.

The national media have more or less written Cork off as potential All-Ireland winners placing Galway and Tipp as the main contenders to dethrone the Cats which puts Denis Walsh's side in the comfortable position of underdog for this year's clash on Leeside.

Rebels roaring.

For the first season in a quite a while Cork have had a contended winter and a decent league campaign finishing 2nd to Galway with tasteful wins over Kilkenny and Tipperary so fans are understandably excited about Sunday's outing. It seems like an age since the last championship so here are a few helpful reminders for fans heading to the match who want to safely guide in those championship butterflies.

Parking
Unless you intend to arrive at the stadium before 11am there's no way you'll get parking within two or three John Gardiner pucks of the ground so take whatever you can get within two miles and be prepared to walk. Needless to say do not find yourself in the Jack Lynch tunnel at 3.10pm and expect to make throw-in. Get there early - remember the chaos outside the Pairc for the football in June last year!

While it is your right as a Corkonian to attend the match don't be unreasonable in your pursuit of same. Don't park outside someone's gate or get infuriated and start foaming at the mouth when a Garda waves you up Temple Hill instead of allowing you down to the Marina.

If the weather's fine why not park and ride by carrying a bicycle in your boot? That way you can avoid the manky traffic jams in the two or three miles around the stadium by parking on Boreenmanna Road and cycle past the lines of cars. And there are plenty metal objects to lock your wheels to near the Atlantic Pond and on the Marina (just don't forget to bring a lock!).

Tipp Fans
Children should never talk to strangers but they shouldn't even glance momentarily at people in Tipp jerseys. Adults need to be wide too. Do not take any food or drink offered to you by anyone in a blue and yellow garment and always avoid their stare.

Remain a safe distance from Tipp fans and their slurry pit-esque odour at all times. Provoking them with jibes about their awful footballers is not advisable. If they attack use your programme and flag to beat them off and shout 'Babs Keating!' repeatedly until your assailant recoils in pain similar to the effect of sunlight on a vampire.

Even a red rag on a stick will do.

Flags & Roaring
If you're joining us this Sunday on the Blackrock Terrace you must do your duty for your county so don't be a hurling G.O.W.L. (grumpy old whinging langer) roaring obscenities every time a Cork player DOESN'T win the ball. It sounds pathetic.

Fans exhibiting these three traits are considered "loyal".

1. Chanting and roaring. In the mindset of committed GAA fans roaring is a step higher than mere shouting. As well as volume, the difference being roaring hurts but shouting doesn't. Holy God gave you vocal chords so use them to urge on the Rebels as insanely loudly as you can with no regard for your health.

2. Wear a red garment. That navy Cork GAA rain jacket doesn't count and, girls, while the subtle red nail varnish is appreciated the players and the people watching telly aren't going to see it so along with the lovely red nails we need jerseys, t-shirts, hats and scarves.

3. A big red flag. If you can't for some inexplicable reason get a Cork flag then the tradition of bringing red foreign flags continues its revival so Montenegro, Russia or China are all game. Don't let the flag obscure other fans' views during normal play but once there's a Cork score, up she goes.

Get your tickets here

Picking Your Seat
Anyone over 5'8 can fit in the seats in the uncovered stand during the league as long as the seats on either side of you are free so you can extend your knees left and right. For crowded championship matches this area is suitable only for leprechauns and unwitting Tipperary fans - which may actually be the same thing.

The covered stand is for officials and hydrophobic fans who get heart palpitations at the sight of a dark rain cloud so the terraces behind the goals are where you want to be for the best craic. The Blackrock end is favoured by Rebels so get there early and position your Rebel bones as close to the scoreboard as you can and join the chorus.

Never Leave Early
PROC snipers will be waiting outside to pick off disloyal fans (no doubt blow-ins with Kerry blood) so don't dare leave before the final whistle.

Seriously though, no matter how bad things might get we must stick with the team. They'll need us too if they take the backdoor route. Even after 60 minutes if Denis Walsh has to put Frank Murphy in at corner forward and Aisake is handed the goal keepers jersey fans have to stick with their county until the end.

Rebels Abú!