Cork Vs Wexford: Match Review

18th Aug 2003

SUPER HUMANS PLAY THEIR PART IN VICTORY
Danny Elbow

CORK 3-17 (26)
WEXFORD 2-07 (13)

   To lose by 3 points in a hurling match is an acceptable defeat. To lose by five points would be cause for concern. To lose by ten points is extremely embarrassing. In case you’ve been in cloud cuckoo land you'll want to know that Cork beat Wexford by thirteen. Therefore it might be justified to think that Wexford is in total shock desperately trying to terms with a total collapse of its own hurling heritage because words like 'shambles' and 'pathetic' don't seem fitting for a county who until Saturday afternoon last considered itself worthy to tog out in an All-Ireland Senior Hurling final especially against a team from Cork. However, by simple logical deduction it cannot be the case that three counties who before this year's championship were at the very least considered 'forces' in hurling can now be written off as whipping boys.

The Terminator talks to the Irish media. He will be back.

   First Clare then Waterford and now Wexford have been flattened like insects under the thundering hooves of Master O'Grady and his squad. Each opponent left more bruised than its predecessor, each set of fans more embarrassed than the last. Making a fair and unbiased assessment, you must say that its not the opposition who are at fault as such. Therefore based on statistics one must conclude that this Cork team is a national treasure. In fact nobody should rule out a wax figure of Alan Browne appearing at the Dublin Wax Museum before September is out. (Although with McCreevy's cutbacks its more likely that a replica of the more slender Joe Deane would be favoured.)

   Most of O'Grady's men impressed on the day but one ox-like character shone above everyone else. He is a man whose supplementary training involves wrestling 20-ft whales two miles off Ballycotton and who once came to the aid of the Harbour Commissioners when he offered to fill in for the MV Gerry O'Sullivan tug boat in Ringaskiddy while it was in dry dock. Bow down ladies and gentlemen for we are not fit to undo the straps on the predator boots which house the feet of Diarmuid O'Sullivan.

   Many describe Cork's full back as a beast of a man - a ferocious monster with infinite strength under which even the nimblest of full forwards can not find shelter. Such was the power and ferocity of his display on Saturday that comparisons must now surely be drawn with mechanical machines....many 'horsepowers' above any horse or powerful animal. With his fondness for a few pints of the black stuff at half time (diesel that is, not gat) the most accurate description must be that O'Sullivan is in fact a rocket launching battle tank.

   Time after time O'Sullivan rose high above the struggling Wexford forwards to snap the falling sliotar as another Wexford attack ended in tormented frustration. Each time he drove the ball back deep into Wexford's half. Those GAA officials present who endorsed the new lighter sliotar gripped their seats every time the man from Cloyne snapped the ball from the air, bouncing wilting Wexford forwards off his chest before aligning his humongous body parts in preparation for the impact he was about impart to the new lighter sliotar.....Three. Two. One. Blast off! The sliotar was launched time and time again into outer space miles out of sight of Donal O'Cusack's goal....

Sully's frame causes visibilitiy issues for ref

  Nervous material scientists hoped that their new sliotar design would stand up to blazing temperatures when the ball re-entered the earth's atmosphere each time Sully sent into space. Luckily for the next Cork hand that rose high above that of his weary marker to receive the ball - it did. 

   Frequently the recipient was one Setanta Og O hAilpin another human being of extraordinary slick mechanical construction. His intimidating towering frame could not be controlled by any of the three Wexford backs sent to marshall him. Instead like a dinosaur trampling on a clove of buttercups he waltzed his way through the Wexford defence with such terrifying force that we believe Cork Bainisteoir Donal O'Grady sportingly decided to take him off to save Wexford General Hospital's already overcrowded casualty ward from a further 15 admissions from their Senior hurling panel. However it is unknown whether Health Minister Michael Martin pleaded with O'Grady to remove Setanta from the game at half time. It has been suggested that if Wexford players persisted in badly fouling the player that the lack of giant-friendly hospital beds in the Dublin area would cause him significant political embarrassment. (You can imagine the headlines "NO BED IN DUBLIN HOSPITAL FOR CORK STAR"). Thankfully the weary Wexford players couldn't even summon the energy to keep fouling not to mind keeping the score line respectable.

   

Somebody's sussin' out the talent.

As overjoyed Rebels poured out of Croke Park on to the streets of Dublin on Saturday evening it would be inaccurate to say there wasn't an air of sympathy for the Wexford fans, their gaudy jerseys not adding to their credibility around the Anglo-Irish bars of Temple Bar. Many of the thousands of friendly Cork fans were seen consoling the men from the sunny south-east on Saturday night. "It could be a lot worse. How do you think the Dub's feel?", said one man proudly decked out in red with the remains of a double cheese burger working its way down his shirt, "at the very least, our presence here is a reminder to Dubliners that the Championship goes on well beyond June!"

   The colours of the bruises on the bodies of the Wexford team might reflect the choice of jersey colour but fans of the purple and yellows can at least feel proud that they lived during a time when their county managed to reach an All-Ireland semi final.

Whatever happens in September Corkonians know Browner and the Boys will be back again next year (to retain the title of course) so we salute the county that gave Ireland the Tusker Rock as they are laid to rest for another decade. May they rest in peace. Maybe, like Waterford they will demand a Corkonian coach to restore some pride.    

It may take a fourth whitewash for Ireland to give Cork the respect they should instantly command. Bring on the pussy cats, the dogs are waiting.