Cork vs Wexford: Part I

12th Aug 2003

Part One of the Cork vs Wexford epic had all the thrills of a big-budget summer box-office smash, and like all the best blockbusters this one's TO BE CONTINUED. Croke Park was the backdrop for a mighty battle between the forces of good and evil. From Cork came a band of heroic Rebels, their hearts set on hurling glory for the greater good and freedom from tyranny for the citizens of the People's Republic. They faced dark and fearsome opponents, the Evil Wexford Menace - agents of the Greater Dublin Empire and the Leinster Conspiracy.

Both sides played their part to perfection. Cork starred as the young and hot-headed heroes, still with much to learn from their wise old Jedi master Donal O'Grady. Fate has chosen them for a special task: they must conquer fear and lead their people with courage to final victory. Wexford played the villains, kitted out in appropriately grotesque and frightening costumes. Their yellow-and-purple jerseys must surely be in contention for some kind of booby prize at next year's Oscars. And, in fairness, they showed that they can hurl a bit too. Like the Terminatrix, the Matrix Agents or Jaws himself, you can't turn your back on these Wexford boys for a second (though you might like to, rather than have to look at what they're wearing). To add an extra twist of drama, a referee who just happened to be from Dublin threw whatever obstacles he could in Cork's way. Several times poor Joe Deane was clubbed to within an inch of his life by Wexford Agents while the referee stood by, cackling with malicious glee and occasionally even borrowing a Wexford hurley to get in a few digs of his own. We can't yet confirm rumours that the ref will take to the field wearing a Darth Vader costume for Saturday's sequel. But given that his whole performance was seemingly a tribute to the Star Wars dark lord, he might as well go the whole way. Hopefully Part Two won't end with Deano discovering that Dub referee MacSuibhne is actually his father, though. "Join me, Joe, and together we can rule the hurling galaxy"... it doesn't bear thinking about.

Setanta Ó hAilpín added another goal to his growing tally as once again he shone as one of the Rebel Alliance's brightest stars. The way he powered his way through the Yellow Belly defence to boot the sliotar home was a performance worthy of any action movie. Move the scence to the top of a tall building like the County Hall, add a few showers of sparks, burst water pipes and circling helicopters with searchlights and you've got a perfect heart-pounding film sequence. Setanta Ó hAilpín: the Last Action Hero. In the unfolding drama, two of the Cork 15 were given the chance to redeem themselves for early failures. Diarmaid "Brick Outhouse" O'Sullivan was switched inside from left corner back, as Wexford Agent Micheál "Air" Jordan got the better of him in the early clashes. Sully's difficulty had Cork hearts in mouths, but after the switch his performance against full-forward Paul "Battered" Codd proved he is one of the worthiest Rebels of all. In the end it was a fine performance from O'Sullivan and the Cloyne Colossus is becoming a blockbuster veteran - earlier this summer he appeared on our movie screens as the Incredible Hulk. Meanwhile, Midleton's Mickey O'Connell surged through the Wexford ranks to score perhaps the finest point of the afternoon, and with this vital score came redemption for his astounding anonymity up until then.

PRC spies spotted this daycent vehicle for sale on the side of the road in New Ross on Saturday. Note the traditional Wexford purple... ...and then there's this, God help us.

With Cork's final point sending them three clear in injury time, it looked as though the Rebels were to triumph on the day. But this movie had a twist in the tale. As shocks go, it was right up there with the end of the Usual Suspects or the death of Bambi's mother. Wexford's last-second equalising goal was an arrow through the heart of every Corkonian. But even the most die-hard Rebels had to admit that it was drama at its finest. They'll be showing replays of this one at the Film Festival in the autumn. And so Part One ended in crisis and tragedy, but with a spark of hope for a brighter future. On Saturday our hurlers return to Croke Park for Part Two, their mission to put the Wexford Menace to the sword once and for all. Then comes Part Three, last in the trilogy... the Final Battle with Kilkenny or Tipp. Either county would be suitable opposition for the ultimate showdown of Good versus Evil!

May the Force be with them