Corks Footballing Princesses

30th Sep 2008

Cork's Footballing Princesses
Finbarr Barry

Cork 4-13
Monaghan 0-11

Was there even a point to Monaghan turning up last Sunday at Croke Park? A meagre eleven points against a far superior Cork side shows the size of the gap between Cork and the rest of the country as the Rebelettes continued their perpetual dominance of ladies' sports.

Anglea Walsh with the league cup. Unsurprisingly Cork won that too.

Counties who have decided to shun either their own female population or one of the Gaelic codes in a selfish effort to specialise in one sport have disappointingly had some success this year with non-hurling county Tyrone and non-football county Kilkenny picking up titles in the men's championship.

There has been no such selfishness here in Cork. No sport is considered unpopular enough to discard - the only specialists being those like Valerie Murphy who booted home three goals to crucify the Farney County in Croker and secure the much coveted four-in-a-row: over shadowing Kilkenny's achievement in 'male hurling'.

Two weeks ago Cork's camogie players restored natural order to their championship by nailing Tipperary by five points in the All Ireland final in front of a similar crowd of 20,000.

All rise: Princess Valerie Mulachy scored three goals for Cork.

It might surprise Corkonians to learn that Dublin have more camogie titles than us but with the amount of time the O'Duffy Cup has spent on Leeside since the millennium it won't be long before we put on the proverbial right indicator and zoom past the Dubs. The jackeens are now just three titles ahead of Cork but haven't come close to bagging a title since 1984 - well before many of the current team were born.

These Cork women represent everything that this county stands for and must be treated like princesses from now on. Here's our special guide for Corkonians who want to know how to honour the Rebelettes:

UNCOMPROMISING CHIVALRY
If you see one of the victorious ladies on Pana struggling with a mangled umbrella in the rain and wind you should immediately take off your coat and provide them with shelter until the shower is over or walk her back to her car.

In the case of flooding or large pools of water it goes without saying that all men should immediately strip and place their geansaí on the offending liquid for her to step on. Should any moisture affect the look of her shoes, your vest can be used to clean and shine them back to their original condition.

Cork All stars Angela Walsh, Deirdre O'Reilly, Rena Buckley, Juliet Murphy, Bríd Stack, Briege Corkery and Valerie Mulcahy.

FULLY BOOKED
Restaurants that are fully booked on a Saturday night must be able to accommodate any player should she walk in without a booking. If necessary other guests should have their soup whipped from under their noses and removed from their seating to allow captain fantastic Angela Walsh or any of her troops to be seated without delay.

We suggest removing any customer that is bereft of Cork heritage before picking on locals.

Restaurant managers are advised that it is also good manners to dedicate one waiter (the cutest one preferably) to the Cork girl's table, tending to any need that may arise including the provision of lip gloss and extra napkins if required. Complimentary desserts will obviously go down well but we only recommend this in the off season - for obvious reasons.

NO MORE QUEUES AND LOTS OF SHOES
At bus stops, ATMs and big department stores all Corkonians are to allow members of the Cork Ladies Football team skip the queue. Remember at a bank machine she may be looking for cash for a cab to get to training and you wouldn't want her to be late would you?

If you spot one of the four-in-a-row girls struggling for the right change in any establishment you are obliged to intervene and pay in full as well as leaving a generous tip. This does not entitled you to skip a queue yourself.

Similarly in shoe shops, as well as complimentary pairs of shoes, the Rebelettes should have a dedicated shop assistant to take care of their precious feet. If for example she end sup wearing a pair of dangerously high sling-back-open-toe stilettos and any damage is incurred to her precious legs or feet then the offending boot merchants will be held responsible for far more than just the price of the shoes.

Another feen drops down for Briege in Garretstown.

RULES OF THE ROAD
The Rules of the Road is a handy guide for sorting out minor bashes but note that if a Cork Ladies Footballer approaches a junction with a yield sign she has right-of-way at all times.

We understand that the Department of the Environment will issue a re-print soon stating that the Irish rules of the road are superseded by any squad member of the Cork football team.

Should one of them sail through a dangerous junction at high speed and appear to ignore a yield sign: don't be naïve in thinking she has broken the law. It is now her right to do so now that she has achieved a four-in-a-row for the Rebel County.

GIVE UP YOUR WIVES
Lastly, if you are a particularly handsome Cork male, sound out and have a eyebrow raising large income, you should inform your wife/girlfriend/partner that your loyalty and love for her is conditional on any proposal from any member of the Cork Ladies Football team.

Should a member of the Cork squad suggest you go on a date then it is compulsory that your current partner "stands down" while the All Ireland medallist remains interested.

If she requests a marriage proposal you must immediately bend down on one knee and inform her of your commitment as well as outlining wedding plans and honeymoon suggestions - all of which you will organise while she spends time training for Cork.