Courthouse - Woss De Story ?

24th Apr 2003

Courthouse - Woss the Story?
Danny Elbow

  Its seems about the right time to bring you another update of the Drama Down Pana with the massive renewal and regeneration of the Rebel County's most revered street.
However an event more significant than the fall of Baghdad has diverted our attention this week with the removal of the hoarding around the courthouse. Approximately 10 days ago we rushed to the city centre as the liberating forces (just two biys in hard hats to be precise) performed what would over shadow the fall of the statue of Saddam in downtown Baghdad. For what seems like about 7 years the courthouse has been surrounded by 10 foot high white hoarding. As a result judical sittings have moved down to Anglesea Street and under age gatting has moved deeper into the alleyways of the Marsh.

  Several citizens could be seen crying nearby as each board came crashing down, tears of joy we must assume. Years of "renovations" and "regeneration" had come to an end. The Sisk Construction regime gone forever. It was only a matter of days however when citizens began to feel that the new liberation force was beginning to take advantage of its position. Staying on a bit too long. Getting in the way. Oh and how true it was.

Some old dolls weighing out an ounce
    Now Corkonians who thought they would have their old and much loved bastion of justice restored to its former glory had to watch as huge metal containers were unloaded onto the path in front of the building to replace the old hoarding with a secure ring of steel. Not just one metal container, not two containers but enough to run the entire length of the building. Not only that but two stories of them!
     Rumours abound of course as to the purpose of such an horrific sight. Because of their bizarre pro-Fianna FÂ·il colour scheme and the party's Shag All Done Loads To Do In The Next Boom slogan, rumours suggest that the containers were the new consituancy offices for Noel O'Flynn or a gift from the TD to African refugees who arrived here without a visa.
In the event that his tactic succeeds and these non-nationals are turned off by being offered accomodation in a shanty town worse than the one they originally came from they will be sold off to relieve the shortage of student accomodation.

Advantages for Students
- Bright waterproof outer shell
- Continental style windows with shutters
- City centre location and close proximity to the University
- Daily 7am alarm call courtesy of the main drainage works
- Within falling distance of the Washington Inn
- Drainage works doubles as a late night street playground
- Vomit & urine can be power washed out of container at the end of every week
- You can graffiti a public building with slogans without getting caught

If you have an opinion or have heard or simply made up a rumour about what these yokes are send us an email editor@peoplesrepublicofcork.com or post it on the message board.