Crystal Cha-Ching

13th Apr 2010

You don't have to like their music to like Crystal Swing. You're allowed to be a bit uncomfortable watching a brother and sister sing romantic and often suggestive lines to each other. You don't have to like watching their mam play noises from a keyboard that sound like braying elephants on helium.

And most of all, to find a place in your heart for C.S., you don't have to be impressed by that infamous amateur footage on Youtube and their over-enthusiastic self-introductions.

Derek, Mary and Dervla from Crystal Swing present Ellen DeGeneres with a bottle of Cork brewed whisky on her show.

Now that we've got all of that out of the way we're going to tell you why, as a Corkonian, it's becoming increasingly difficult to not like Crystal Swing.

Last month the family were flown to L.A. by the producers of the Ellen DeGeneres Show- a monstrously popular U.S. TV chat show. Instead of relentlessly plugging themselves in that unashamed way that most artists that get on TV do, the family did something else.

Arriving on the set with a bottle of Jameson whisky, Mary began the pitch for Cork. Not Ireland, not Munster, not the rotting Celtic Tiger, but Cork. Starting with their own hometown Midleton the family began to confidently roll out a promotion reel for the Rebel County.

"Well, Ellen we were going to bring you a bottle of tequila", began Mary, referencing their internet hit 'He Drinks Tequila' thus raising a hearty chuckle from the audience, "but in Ireland we love a drop of whisky so we brought you this."

Cue the crowd drowning out the Midleton lady with applause as the host is presented with a bottle of Cork-made whisky with her name on the label.

Next, Dervla is asked about the differences between LA and their hometown. She says they are both beautiful and before the audience knows it they are back in an advert for Cork, "beautiful scenery, beautiful countryside, beautiful people and lovely food" as impressive images from Cobh, Midleton and Cork city are flashed up on screen.

On top of the studio appearance, Crystal Swing had sent Ellen a video (still available to watch on the show's website) a week earlier which was effectively another advert for Cork.

Starting with their characteristically chirpy intros on Patrick's Hill, the family are seen visiting shops on French Church Street, the brewery in Midleton, the world famous Blarney Castle and the cute thatched pub in Lisgoold - their local (well, Mary's local anyway: Derek and Dervla are still too young to take a drink despite their high flying success).

Derek from Lisgoold about to launch into the hucklebuck in front of 5 million people - and not a bother on him.

Every official in the Department of Tourism, all the civil servants in costly tourist quangos, any marketing manager of a tourist trap on the island couldn't dream up publicity like this if they were plied with hallucinogens and handed billions - something bankers at Anglo Irish experienced during the boom years.

The family took what was meant to be an interview about their band and seamlessly turned into a promo for Irish tourism that yanks will have lapped up. If that ain't evidence of hardened pro's at work, then this country isn't in a recession.

Even Ryanair's publicity mad Michael O'Leary, the king of turning the most mundane piece of news into national headlines, must be shaking his head at this one with almost five million slack-jawed middle-class yanks with loads of moola, oo-ing and ahh-ing at this sincere, honest and good-looking Cork family and stunning images from the People's Republic.

Whether you choose to view it as the honesty of innocence or see it more cynically as just cute-hoor plamás the family continually heaped praise on Ellen, her show and L.A. endearing themselves to the audience to the point where they received a standing ovation as Derek finished with his high-energy hucklebuck routine.

The Dublin government have reduced the Republic of Ireland, of which Cork is an unfortunate and often reluctant part, to a financial shambles. In short, we need as much foreign cash as possible to pay for the disastrous mess Cowen, Ahern, McCreevy and their cronies have steered us into.

Unfortunately, they are so bereft of ideas that the husband of the President of Ireland is running a campaign to find some new ones.

A woman from Midleton and her two children have done more to attract U.S. tourists to Ireland, and particularly Cork, than the Dublin Government are currently doing - if Crystal Swing's appearance encourages just 1% of Ellen DeGeneres's 4.8 million viewers to visit Ireland in the next few years that's 48,000 Yanks spending an average of €720 each* in the state.

€34 million quid for the local economy and a sack full of new jobs? Let the barstool cynics and chatroom-haters do their job but we'll gladly drink tequila and talk dirty in Spanish to that news.

Long live Crystal Swing.

* Official CSO figure for the average American tourist. Golfing tourists from the same country spend €940.

Watch their Ellen DeGeneres interview and performance by clicking here