Crystal Swing Solve Energy Crisis

15th Mar 2010

Crystal Swing lead singer Derek Burke has signed a lucrative contract with Irish energy company Airtricity. Known for their stake in Ireland's wind technology sector, the blue chip company is believed to have parted with six figures* for the signature of the Midleton man whose legs are set to power his local area with the use of unique technology.

A device known as a Huckleometer will be attached to Mr. Burke's legs which will then be connected to the national grid while he continually performs his infamous Hucklebuck routine providing a huge power surge in the East Cork area.

Derek does the Hucklebuck on Dublin Station RTE

The power from the leaving cert student's legs while he performs the hucklebuck will generate 50MW - enough to power the entire Carrigtwohill and Midelton area. Locals are also hopeful that Cork hurler Niall McCarthy can also be charged up before every inter-county match this year.

'We are delighted to finally have found a solution to the energy crisis facing the country', said Eddie 'The Watt' O'Connell, an Airtricty spokesman, "we were seriously running out of ideas but Derek's legs have saved the country".

The Burke family have denied that Derek's infamous Hucklebuck has been responsible for recent violent activity in the Earth's crust. A number of huge earthquakes and tremors around the world have been linked to specific times and places where Crystal Swing have performed.

Watt a reaction: Pylons after inital Huckleometer trials

Having performed on The Late Late Show, industry insiders predict that it is only a matter of time before Crystal Swing are offered their own show on Broadway and sources close (but not that close) to Cardinal Seán Brady have admitted that the embattled primate is considering booking the band for his impending 'retirement' bash at The Vatican.

Check out the remix of the band's music here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alwVfkoiExk

* it is not known if the six figures include the 'cents' part of the sum.