Duties of a Cork Fan

2nd Sep 2013

Duties of a Cork Fan

1. You must wear red and white. Several users on our sports forum have dutifully pointed out over the years those navy coloured hoodies, polo shirts and jackets, despite the Cork crest, count for little when it comes to amassing a giant sea of red. Wear lots of it and bring a flag bubbila.

2. The Clare supporters will bring the infamous banner roar (where no words are actually articulated, just a loud Neanderthal scream expressing wild unfettered passion about something).
 

Red and white. Not navy.

Cork fans at Croker must counter this with a ferocious din of their own anytime a Cork player so much as hand passes a ball successfully to an unmarked colleague five yards away….during the warm up. You shouldn’t be able to speak by 5pm and pre-book an appointment with a throat consultant in CUH for the following Tuesday.

3. In times of woe, take deep breaths and believe. Clare have some excellent hurlers and will put Cork’s excellent young athletes under periods of ferocious pressure. Bad things will inevitably happen: short passes will occasionally go astray giving us all palpitations, random bowel movements and sweaty palms, Hoggy and Nash will miss at least one or two frees and no team wins every puck out all of the time.
 

I know fella. They'd put the heart crossways on ya sometimes.

One of our men might even get sent off. So, don’t be one of the langers who gets on the team’s back if things don’t go well. Calm. The. Fuck. Down. 

4. There are only two reasons you are allowed to leave your seat or the terrace before the full time whistle. (1) If you are bursting so badly to go to the toilet that your eyes start bulging like a cartoon character and you start hallucinating to the point that you think Davy Fitz is some hysterically mad actor in some play about dwarves on acid (2) if Cork are being beaten so badly that Jimmy Barry Murphy puts county secretary Frank Murphy and chairman Bob Ryan into the full forward line.
 

If JBM puts Frank in at full forward you have full permission to leave

If you have a ticket, remember how insanely lucky you are to have one. There are tens of thousands of Corkonians back at home who tried in vain to get one but couldn’t. Plus, you’d look like some gowlbag if you left with five minutes to go and Hoggie grabbed two goals to unexpectedly win it.

5. On the off chance that this isn’t Cork’s year then at the final whistle or walking along Jones’s Road afterwards shake a Clare fan’s hand and congratulate them. It’s what JBM would do. Clare rarely win anything except the revenue from bus loads of American tourists who are conned into visiting an unremarkable set of cliffs and a few big waves.
 

The Cliffs of Moher which has been turned into a shopping centre for tat. Classy.

It’s only been three years since we had Sam Maguire to celebrate and our footballers humiliate Clare’s every second year. We’ve had decades and decades of glory from Christy Ring and Jack Lynch to Roy Keane and Rob Heffernan so, as hard as it might be, let them enjoy it. In the unlikely event of it happening of course!

H’on the Rebels!

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Read more on the match build up in our sports forum:

Cork Hurlers thread:
http://www.peoplesrepublicofcork.com/forums/showthread.php?t=143238&page=5188

Cork V Clare All Ireland Final Thread
http://www.peoplesrepublicofcork.com/forums/showthread.php?t=221189