Duties of a Cork Fan - Part 2

23rd Sep 2013

6. Touting
There were literally thousands of Corkonians who journeyed to Mordor for the drawn final three weeks ago without a ticket. Just like every All-Ireland final there’s that self-assured Leeside confidence that someone will come up with something for you if you let enough people know you’re in the market.

The last thing you want to hear when you find some Cork young fella who has a spare ticket is that he’s looking for more than face value, because, he’ll exclaim, ‘I’ll easily get a hundred quid for it outside the stadium’.
 

Make sure you leave Cork early.

No Cork fan should be touting tickets to other Cork fans. It’s like a mother trying to sell food to her own children or a charity charging half-frozen homeless people for a bed. We saw some of this on O’Connell Street on the way to the last game and it’s very poor form.

That said, by all means try to squeeze the entire EU farming grant for the year out of a Clare fan though!

7. Have Your Phone Charged Up if You’re the Ticket Master
If you’re the one in possession of all the tickets for a group you’re meeting up with in Dublin then for crying-out-loud have your phone charged up fully before you leave Cork. There’s no need to be on to the brother in Sydney and the second-cousin-once-removed in Helmand province to preview the game all the way up in the train. How are you going to arrange to meet up with all the fellas you’d promised tickets to if your phone is dead?

You don’t want to be doing laps around the outside of Croke Park ten minutes before the match with a belly full of booze in the vain hope of spotting the people you were supposed to give tickets to. If you end up selling them to Clare fans then you’ll be tried for treason when you return to Leeside!

 

8. Motorway Etiquette
There are two basic rules on motorways for cars travelling to and from the match.

Uimhir a h-aon:  Everyone is tired so keep a safe distance from the car in front and don’t be one of those annoying langers that lane-hops forcing everyone else to slam on the brakes with a ripple effect going from Portlaoise back to Fermoy. There was at least one accident because of this on the way home after the drawn game so please be double dog wide.
 

Just remember that the best thing about Dublin is the road to Cork

Uimhir a dó: at times motorway traffic will come to a standstill with you in the middle of it. We’re all in the same boat so there’s no point in getting frustrated while you crawl past signs for Urlingford and Callan.

So when Cork drivers start up the ‘Oh to be a Rebel’ rhythm on their car horns you should heartily join in – no doubt the residents of County Kilkenny in particular will be delighted of the reminder of that recent warm day in Thurles.
 

Is Nash schhhtill pucking it into the half-forwards?

9. Falling asleep in the train toilet
Ah c’mere now! Nobody is against a fella having a tipple on the way up to the match but if reports are to be believed it seems some who have been out until all hours the night before catching an early train to Dublin are trying to get eighty-winks in the toilet on the way up to the match. The infamous hair-of-the-dog is only justified if it makes you feel a little better - not if it knocks you out and creates a queue of distressed passengers outside banging on the door.
 

Disco naps in the jacks can be quite comfy if you do it right.

Know the night out that’s one too many.  You can save your celebrations for Sunday night – Cork needs you to be in top form in the stadium.


10. Somebody Scream!
It was difficult for Cork fans to latch on to any massive positive incident in the first half of the drawn game to get shouty about but when those second-half goals started going in Rebels exploded a tsunami of noise around the stadium.

To give Clare credit they always responded with a quick point so this time we really have to roar our lungs out to give JBM’s troops even the tiniest extra incentive to close down the counter-attacking Banner boys.
 

'You'd better look at this Sully. He's bringing on Cussen.'

Our half-forward line came in for some stick that last day so if they start winning more ball this time round or if our backs are visibly shutting down the Clare forwards then we have to roar our approval to encourage them after every small little victory.

Cork fans undeniably played a part in rattling Kilkenny in Thurles – even our players acknowledged it afterwards. Clare are mentally tough but no team is impervious to the noise from tens of thousands of Cork fans when their team is getting the upper hand. Literally.

Win or lose be sure to get into Parnell Place/South Mall on Sunday night to welcome the team home. If it’s another draw we’ll just agree to a rock-paper-scissors competition.