EMC Cork to Employ Everyone

14th Jun 2013

Employ Most Corkonians (EMC)                                         (follow us over a cliff on twitter @Cork)

With the announcement of another two hundred jobs at EMC in Ballincollig this week it is now estimated that by 2023 everyone in Ballincollig, Ovens, Bishopstown and Curraheen will be employed by the technology giant including children and the elderly.

The move has further fuelled speculation that the famous acronym used by the company is not a reference to the famous equation (in fairness the company should be called ‘E equals M C squared’ if it was keeping it real Einstein-stylee) but instead stands for ‘Employ Most Corkonians’.
 

EMC: If you don't work here now you will soon.

Experts also estimate that with the current rate of expansion that the entire population of Cork city and county may be employed by the American company by 2029 and that the Lord Mayor’s office will be shifted to a giant Symmetrix unit in the company’s car park near Ballincollig.

Other plans include the building of a Dino’s chipper, a 12 screen Cineplex and several sex shops to encourage employees to create more employees.

The EMC O’Donovans
Such has been the rate of expansion of EMC that entire families are now employed by the companies with many women giving birth to children who begin java courses within weeks in preparation for their life as EMC employees.
 

An EMC employee works on a 'cloud solution' at their Ballincollig base.

One couple even recently named their children after two EMC products: V-MAX and DMX O’Donovan were born on July 1^st last year to two employees who had ‘object orientated’ sex at the company’s Christmas party.  

“We had the same variables, but are in totally different classes”, said the employee who wishes to remain anonymous  - presumably because of the awfulness of her jokes.


TOP EMC JOKE
Q: How many EMC java programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, that's a hardware problem. 

 (follow us on the twitter: @Cork)