Davy Fitz Orders Pallet of Miwadi

16th Jun 2014

Clare County Board have confirmed that they have placed an order for one pallet of Miwadi squash and biscuits after All-Ireland champions Clare were defeated in the Munster Senior hurling semi-final at Semple Stadium yesterday.

After last year’s 8 point defeat by the Rebels, Clare manager Davy Fitzgerald famously invited the county’s hurlers to his house to share the soft drink and some biscuits before going on to win the All-Ireland.

Since the historic win Davy Fitz has raised expectations that his Clare side will dominate the hurling championship for years. However, in light of yesterday’s crushing defeat Clare have ordered copious amounts of Miwadi and biscuits in an effort to repeat last year’s mid-season revival.

“All these fecking quare supplements they’re taking at the gym will be cut out. They’re not going to win us another All-Ireland”, said a Clare county board spokesman, “we’ll force feed them the Miwadi and biscuits if we have to.”

A secret committee has been set up after the bruising second Munster championship defeat in a row by Cork that is said to be considering waterboarding the Clare players with Miwadi orange – a torture where victims are brought to the point of drowning widely used by the American military who frequently stop off at Shannon Airport in Clare en route to Guantanamo Bay.

In more good news for Clare, Miwadi Ireland are set to issue a new flavour of their drink for the Banner. 

“Miwadi comes in many flavours”, said the company’s spokesman, “with the Clare management team in mind and Davy's perpetual bad-loser post-match interviews we have come up with a new one for the 2014 championship called sour grapes”.