Five Reasons Ireland Would Sink Without A Cork

8th Jun 2011

Five Reasons Ireland Would Sink Without A Cork

1. If the rest of the country thinks it would be safe without the buoyancy of the Rebel County just look what happened the Titanic when it left Cork. How many people wished they were back in Cork when that iceberg struck?

Irish lesson: Look what happened Titanic when it left Cork behind.

2. Water comes in from the bottom of any submerged vessel so removing Cork from the map of Ireland would flood the country. The Jack Lynch Tunnel, the Inniscarra Dam and most importantly the ancient Coal Quay walls keep the fierce Atlantic Ocean out of Ireland so without us the Celtic Sea would piss in on top of Limerck, Waterford and Kerry there’s no way meagre counties like those could keep it at bay the way we do.

We believe it so much we made it a t-shirt. Click on it to get it.

3. Being the Rebel county and a hot bed of revolution there is no earthly way that the country would have achieved independence without the efforts of great Rebel leaders  like Michael Collins and Tom Barry. If it wasn’t for Cork the Brits would be using Cashel and The Curragh as naval bases until the country is finally submerged in salty water.

Tom Barry and Michael Collins. Without them Ireland would have sunk.

4. Without the pharmaceutical sector in Cork, the Dublin government would immediately default and drift off into the Atlantic to sink a few hundred miles south of Iceland. In that case it would take a monstrous amount of rotating clothes lines to dry Ireland off in its entirety and there’d be a fierce flu going round too which would bankrupt the country.

Ringaskiddy has never been so important

5. Some might argue that Ireland’s cork was popped in the Celtic Tiger and has already sunk to the depths with the champagne lifestyle mainly enjoyed by those in The Pale. Indeed financially we are up to our manboobs in muddy water but like a patented Cork football comeback, to the Dubs surprise the natural order of this island will soon be restored.

This 'Cork' will become more like a tightly screwed on Tanora bottle cap that little spoilt children have to ask a mean looking daddy to open. And he expects his children to be well behaved before they ask.