Galway FAQs for Corkonians

16th Jul 2009

Galway FAQ for Corkonians

Canning: man child

Is Galway a strong GAA county?
For a place that seems to share the limelight with genuinely successful counties like Cork, Tipp and Kerry, fans on Leeside are always surprised when reminded of how few titles the Tribesman have actually bagged.

Besides their nine football titles its difficult to fathom how Galway are considered a strong GAA county with only four, yes four, hurling titles.

Imagine that Tipperary have won the same number of football All-Ireland's as the Tribesman in hurling yet the way they are portrayed on TV you'd think they were grabbing Liam McCarthy at least once a decade such is the furore out west when the hurling championship kicks off.

Is there a Galway accent?

Galwegians claim there is but it's hard to distinguish it from the general North Munster and Connacht moan. Most Galwegians will tell you that there's a few slang terms that make Galway people unique. They never seem to be able recall any at the time however.

Sawdoctors. About all Galway has going for it musicially.

Is Galway in Leinster?
Yes and no it seems. Physically it doesn't appear to be anywhere near the province. We have checked with both the International Space Station and made a phone call to a bar in the north Clare village of Ballyvaghan (they took a look north across the bay for us) and Galway still seems to be in the same position it was when records began.

Odd that they turned up in the "Leinster Hurling Championship" isn't it? The supposedly 'competitive' province has allowed Galway to enter its competition for confusing reasons. One of which may be to make it more er…competitive.

At some stage when Kilkenny's supply of super drugs finally runs out the Galwegians might find themselves in the odd position of Leinster champions. If it goes on like this perhaps we'll see Limerick in the Ulster hurling Championship or Wicklow fighting it out in Connaught. Trust Galway to muddle things up.

Galway races: a gathering of horses

Does Galway matter?
Economically the county adds little or nothing to the overall economy of the island unlike Cork whose economic contribution is so large, mainly due to its thriving pharma and tech industries, that the Dublin government robs the revenue from us to make Guinness, pointless metal spikes for their main street and unpleasant smelling chaotic airports.

Politically Galway has little or no clout except for a tent which is erected at Galway Races every year where politicians from other counties come and make deals that involve building new towns in pointless remote places.

What are the dangers of Galway?
Besides listening to the Sawdoctors or trying to sell a gate in Ballinasloe drinking a mouthful of water from a Galway tap in years gone by could have been the end of you unless you fancied keeping some pet cryptosporidium in your body because you're allergic to cats and dogs.

Even though the threat seems to have subsided the suspicion hasn't gone away. We'd rather consume a mouthful of the River Lee at low tide in Mahon than place our Cork beaks anywhere near Galway's dodgy water supply.

Higgins: Doesnt actually exist

Is Michael D. Higgins real?
It depends on your imagination. The creators of Podge and Rodge had intended to make a third brother for the Ballydung twins but RTE would not fund a third puppeteer for their weekly show. The Labour Party came up with the dough however and the Galwegian's strings are now operated by the organisation's leader Eamon Gilmore.

Are there any famous sports people from Galway?
Well young hurler Joe Canning is what you might call 'well known'. Galway's chances on Saturday are entirely down to this strapping 'man child'. Should he have an off day Galway may actually have to give up hurling such will be the overwhelming slaughter at the hands of a highly motivated Cork squad. We'll see how famous young Joseph is on Saturday night about 9pm.

What's in Galway's dark historical cupboard?
Here's one from the past they'd prefer to keep quiet. From 1939 to 1945 Nazi propagandists broadcast an English radio station from Hamburg aimed at demoralising the British and American populations. It's number one loud mouth was none other than Galwegian William Joyce aka Lord Haw Haw who had spent much of his time on the aul sod passing IRA secrets to the British Army. He was executed in 1946 for his role in supporting Hitler.

Will Cork beat Galway on Saturday night?
Chalk it down. Naturally Cork hurlers will insist on being thirty or forty points down at half time only to slowly work their way back to victory in injury time - almost ending the lives of at least a dozen Cork fans with dodgy hearts along the way.

Cork take on Galway in the All-Ireland Senior hurling qualifiers in Thurles this Saturday night at 7pm.