Garth Tickets Frenzy is the New Property Bubble

4th Feb 2014

World economists have confirmed that the Irish craze for buying property has been replaced by a frenzy of investment in Garth Brooks tickets.

In recent months property prices, particularly in cities, have shown remarkable recovery to the point that many observers were concerned that Ireland was about to be gripped by another property buying frenzy.  The concern about the quickly rising house market however, has been replaced by a new worry about interest in investing in tickets for an apparently modestly popular former country music star.
 

“What we’ve seen in recent weeks”, said a UCC economist who wished to remain anonymous, “is a movement of personal investment funds away from the domestic property market and into Garth Brooks tickets at an alarming rate”.

The almost unknown American country singer who only appears to only have had one hit song in Ireland in the early nineties has incredibly sold out three concerts in Croke Park with tickets about to be released for a fourth date . Many people who had never heard of Garth Brooks before (and insist on calling him ‘Garrett’) are panic buying tickets in fear of missing out.
 

Garth Brooks has sold out three Croke Park gigs and we are not on acid.

“This is a classic bubble”, said Fearantí McCarthy-Jackson, an auctioneer on South Mall who has just bought a pair of cowboy boots and has signed up for line dancing classes, “we’re buying stuff only because the neighbours are but sure who cares, it’ll all be grand!”.

Some buy-to-let investors who previously made disastrous property investments abroad are getting set to buy up tickets for Brooks’ concerts in Europe in the hope of recouping their catastrophic loses from the Celtic Tiger era.
 

Last time they queued this long it was for a three-bed semi just 12 miles from Carrick-on-Shannon.

“I’d say there’ll be fierce demand for Garret Brookside in Krakow and Budapest so I’m belting money into concert tickets there as soon as they are put on sale”, said one Cork property developer who is so deeply in debt that his children’s tree house was recently confiscated by NAMA.

Cork’s huckle-bucking stars Crystal Swing, who are hotly tipped to play support to in Croker, have allegedly seen a massive surge in ticket sales for their local gigs on Leeside as investor-turned-talent-scouts search for the next Garth Brooks.
 

Crystal Schwing: a travesty if they're not invited to support Garth

Even a local charity fundraiser they’re playing is rumoured to have had all its tickets bought up instantly by a Cayman Island pension fund hoping for massive returns – a twenty-night run at the revamped Pairc Úi Chaoimh in 2018.

The rise of Garth Brooks to such insane levels of popularity has astounded music critics particularly as many of his popular songs appear to be the same thing just in different keys and at slightly different tempo.

“Garth Brooks has mastered the art of country music whose distinctive selling point is that loud twanging note-bending that sounds like the low whining brakes on a jam packed number two bus arriving at Merchant’s Quay in a flood”, said Togher based lorry mechanic and piano tuner Rory ‘White Finger’ Cosgrave.
 

Bros have been inspired by Garth Brooks hysteria in Ireland and are considering a comeback tour

The popularity of Brooks on Leeside is in part attributed to 96FM whose austere music buyer chose the ‘Friends in Low Places’ record as the 1996 addition to the radio station’s then four track playlist (joining Phil Collins’s ‘I can feel it coming in the air tonight’, ‘Human Nature’ by Michael Jackson, Crash Test Dummies ‘Mmm’ and Oasis’s Wonderwall).

The unexpected multiple Croke Park sell-outs have also revived hopes for defunct eighties and nineties groups like Bros and 2Unlimited who may now consider booking GAA headquarters for back-to-back gigs in 2015 while Rick Astley is currently said to be eyeing up the entire district of Muskerry for a monster-gig the start of his world tour in 2016 in which he will perform ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ continuously for 90 minutes from the International Space Station as it stalls over north Cork.  

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