Golf Bomber Fails To Make Cut

17th Dec 2013

A dissident Republican failed to make the cut last night by trying to set a Belfast Golf Shop on fire. Instead the langball set himself on fire and fled the scene.

This is the second attempted bombing in the run up to Christmas in the sectarian capital of Ireland and is clearly an attempt to drive a wedge between dissidents and pretty much everyone else.

Dissidents may have been targeting paritionist putting greens

Local DUP politician Ian Satan said “A dog would never do this. Not even a Tiger Wood.”

No group has yet claimed responsibility but UUP spokesman Martin Bruce was in no doubt which side of the divide the blame lies.  “As usual we will end up on the green”, he barked.  

The Northern Ireland Police Service (who take their name from Belfast 70’s punk band The N.I.P.S. who used nipple clamps on stage) said that that the failed bomber was wearing two pants - in case he got a hole in one.
 

A Belfast golf course on July 12th

After running from the area it is believed he fled the scene in a Volkswagon golf - police are saying that the man's arrest is a fore-gone conclusion as they have a bunker surrounded.

Lord Mayor of Belfast, David Irons, said that Belfast golf enthusiasts should putt the incident behind them. 

Full story
http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/belfast-firebomber-may-be-badly-injured-617417.html