Heffernan To Receive Gold When Pill Heads Are Eliminated

21st Aug 2016

As is usual Rob Heffernan is also likely to get another Olympic medal in a few months time.

The Togher 50km walker was sixth over the line in his event in Rio but within hours had already been bumped up to fifth as one of the fellas ahead of him was disqualified (no doubt found in a crystal meth laboratory before the race or spotted cramming goofballs into his mouth along the route).

As we saw in London 2012 there is still a serious doping problem in the 50km walk and it is likely that some or all of those who finished ahead of Rob in the race were popping more pills and yokes than the entire dancefloor of Sir Henry’s on a Saturday night in 1992.
 

This fella crossed the line gurning his face off in the 50km walk and was awarded gold. Just look at the jaw on him! Apparently he went straighf for a massage afterwards which is a dead giveaway.

So we can all feel very assured in assuming that Rob actually won gold in his race thereby bringing Cork’s, medal tally to three – albeit unofficially as of now but that smiling Togher postman will arrive any day now.