House to House Hurling Inspections in Cork

14th Oct 2019

Ding dong. The front doorbell rings. The kids go quiet for a rare second and look up at their auld fella  as the dinner time madness suddenly ceases.

“I’ll get it, ye keep eating”, he says, “and for God’s sake eat up your broccoli, Finbarr. Christy and Jimmy Barry have finished theirs”. 

Herself looks across the table with that knowing glare.

“Did you get the TV license sorted?”, she says.
“Meh”, he replies, “to keep that crowd up in Dublin in their boat shoes and landrovers?!”

He walks out to the front door, opens it and drops his fork with the fright: Standing there in their official Cork GAA tracksuits, are Donal Óg, Seán Óg and Tom Kenny. Wide eyed and awestruck, our Corkman knows this is far more serious than any TV license:

“How’s the form?”, says the Cloyne Ógie, “you’ve a couple of young Rebels here, we’ve been told?”.
“We’d like to check up on them if you don’t mind?”, chips in Na Piarsaigh Ógie. 

The father’s heart races: part joy, part butterflies, part fear. He’s been doing drills with his sons out the back for the last few weeks after hearing rumours the trio been going house-to-house inspections, but he didn’t think it would happen so soon.   

“Hope we didn’t call at a bad time!”, says Kenny winking to the dad, as he sniffs the lamb chops.
“There’s never a bad time to go hurling”, quips Dónal Óg as he follows the dad into the kitchen.

“Go get your hurleys, lads, I’ll put your dinners in the oven”

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With their ratification as Cork’s minor hurling management last week, there is hope around the county again that the class of 2005 will have a positive on the fortunes of Cork hurling.

It’s not like the Terrific Trio or Pat Ryan who has been handed the U20’s bainisteoir bib and his team (which includes Class of 2005, multiple All-Ireland winner Wayne Sherlock), will be trying to pick up the pieces of a broken legacy either: the Cork under 15’s and under 16’s won their All-Ireland tournaments this year, the minors narrowly missed out in Munster and the U20’s got to the All-Ireland final for the second year in a row.

Still, given the quality of Corkmen now installed by the county board, they will undoubtedly be looking to improve the improvements, advance the advances and deliver silverware.

 

The last remnants of an All-Ireland winning senior hurling team are now back in charge

For the first time in years, or possibly ever, there appears to be some harmony between board, coaches and players. It’s clear the board are taking a holistic approach to ensuring there is a solid system in place from senior right down to the underage, but families must play their part too in the Rebel revival – we must go where no county has ever gone before:
 
After the revolution, The People’s Republic of Cork Provisional Government will enact legislation to allow Cork GAA inspectors to make unannounced house calls to Cork homes at any time of the day or night to check on how families are contributing to The Cause.

Parents will have to produce evidence that they are doing daily drills with their children in the back garden or on a public green near their homes. Each child will be assessed from the kitchen window while mum and dad are given real time feedback from superstar coaches on what they need to work on.

“He might be only three and a half, but he has to learn soon that slowing down to rise a ball is not acceptable. Up your game, Mrs. McCarthy.”
 

Live feedback: "J'know, looking at it here Mrs. O'Connor, I think Jimmy should have been closer to the flowerbed next to the clothes line when that ball was being pucked out."

Children’s bedrooms will be graded on the number of Cork GAA posters, flags, jerseys and other memorabilia visible. The Evening Echo 2005 All-Ireland winners poster might be a little worn by now, but if cared for properly and dusted down daily it should inspire the next generation sufficiently to make sure the poster can be replaced with one with a new team of winners very soon.

From as young as 18 months, Cork children should be encouraged to wear hurling helmets as much as possible, including at meal times, in the bath and in bed – it’ll help them dream about hurling.

Carrying a camán around the house needs to be promoted too – and parents should be encouraged to hide in wardrobes and in the hotpress with their own hurley before surprising their child by jumping out and taking a shot at them. That’ll train their brain to never let their guard down.

Screen time should only ever involve replays of Cork matches and bed time stories offer a wonderful opportunity to read the biographies of former Cork stars to your children or, when you run out of those, reciting full length club match reports from The Echo sport pages to a young baby or toddler is a great way for the whole family to keep up to date on hurling around the county.

Families of Cork, you know what to do – the inspections are coming.

And young Finbarr, eat up that broccoli like a good little Rebel.