How To Get a Final Ticket

27th Aug 2013

With the number of days to the All-Ireland final almost in single figures, excitement is starting to build on Leeside along with a soaring amount of cases of ticket-panic among Cork fans desperate to be in Croke Park for the big match on Sunday the 8th.

Here’s our guide to making sure you’ve turned over every stone in the county in your pursuit of a precious ticket.

Look Into My Eyes
Take a crash course online in hypnosis and on the big day take the train up to the match from Limerick with a bunch of Clare supporters who aren’t shy about showing off their Hogan Stand tickets. Quietly convince one of them that their ticket might explode when scanned at the turnstile and that you are a bomb disposal expert.
 

Look into me eyes...giss your ticket bubbila!

For bonus points if your newly acquired seat is near the Clare dugout then us Cork fans would appreciate you offering some “advice” to Davey Fitz on the Banner’s game plan…  

Text Pesting
Have you texted everyone on your phone to let them know you are looking for a ticket? Now is the time to do it and not late next week when all the deals and nods-and-winks have been done. Be a pest.
 

It’s desperate and mortifying but that’ll be the last thing on your mind when you’ve blagged your way into the Burlington on Sunday night and are doing Rock-The-Boat on the dance floor with Seamus Harnedy and Frank Murphy.
 

Who else can I think of to annoy about tickets?

Unique Selling Points
So you’ve located someone who is a good ticket source? Have you offered any of your unique skills for free in addition to the ticket price to ensure they send any spares your way?

For example, if you’re a chippy you could offer to build a nice set of shelves for free or if you’re big into the gym you could offer to do a male striptease at a charity dinner dance for retired camogie coaches.  It’s dog-eat-dog out there folks so you’ve got to outdo the competition.

Blag Your Way In
In 2001 British prankster  Karl Power managed to blag his way onto the pitch as Manchester United warmed up for their champions league showdown with Bayern Munich.  On the side line he changed out of his spoof ‘TV crew’ clothes into the same strip as the United players and stood next to Andy Cole for the team photo until Roy Keane eventually copped the intruder.
 

Karl Power (standing far left) who blagged his way on to the pitch at the moment that captain Keane spots him

The reason Power stood out on the pitch was obviously because his face was visible and he was unknown to the Corkman who clocked him. The interesting thing about being on pitch side at the All-Ireland final is that hurlers wear helmets concealing their identity….you can fill in the rest of the blanks yourself.

Competitions
Lots of radio stations, newspapers and online sports sites are being rewarded for all the publicity they’ve generated for the GAA this season by being given All-Ireland final tickets to giveaway – lots of them with trivial questions to maximise the amount of entrants.

Have you entered every prize-draw, competition, table quiz and beauty contest in the country that has a prize of All Ireland final tickets? Might as well play the lotto too – if you win you can afford to buy out a whole section of the Cusack Stand for you and your boys.
 

Players AND fans need to play at the top of their game to get to Croker

Everything Has A Price
Find someone who has managed to get hold of a ticket. They might say they don’t want to sell but, like Wayne Rooney, everything has a sale price if you’re willing to go high enough. If you really want to be there to witness history then start offering money like you’re a mid-noughties bank manager .

Urgent Catchups
The sponsors of the hurling championship are Eithiad, Centra and Liberty Insurance. They’ll get a pile of tickets for their staff so trawl all your old contacts on places like LinkedIn and start looking for buddies who are pilots, shelf stackers or insurance sharks and shamefully suggest a very urgent “relaxed coffee and catchup” this weekend – even if you have to fly out to an air hangar in Abu Dabi.
 

Hogan or Cusack stand lads?

When you drop the fact that you’re actually ticket hunting they might take offence but hey, you weren’t best friends anyway.

Three Card Tricks
Youtube is choc-a-bloc with three card trick tutorials. Set up as a devious amoral street trickster on Saturday night in Dublin and wait until some inebriated Clare lads turn up (if they’re not wearing jerseys you’ll know them by the smell). When you’ve lulled them in to your get-rich-quick scheme get them to put their Hill 16 tickets on the line for a double-or-quits. It’ll be easier than Anthony Nash taking a 21 yard free.

Kilkenny ‘Friends’
Most Cats will be far too busy chasing mice or washing their fur on All-Ireland final day to risk seeing the stomach churning sight of Pa Cronin walking up into the Hogan Stand at full time - which will free up a county-load of tickets.
 

Get over it.

In the unlikely event that you are friends with somebody from Kilkenny or alternatively there are a fair few Cork people living in Kilkenny town (we send a lot of PROC flags and t-shirts to them) who might stumble across an unwanted ticket.   


 

Plan Ireland have a ticket give away here:
http://www.ebay.ie/itm/All-Ireland-Hurling-Tickets-/290965205025