Cork Blood Donors Fear Transfusion Recipients Not From Cork

18th Nov 2015

One of the greatest gifts anyone who needs a blood transfusion can receive is the blood of a Corkonian.

In desperately grey and awful towns around the country like Tralee, Clonmel and Lismore where all citizens exhibit a wan and sickly appearance and have a miserable outlook on life it is said to be increasingly possible to get back-street blood transfusions by people claiming to have stocks of Cork blood.

Shady dealers have been known to charge hundreds of euro to swap desperate people’s miserable blood lines for Cork blood. In many cases however the blood does not appear to be genuine as there is no apparent change in the recipient’s character. This is measured scientifically by the bounciness of their gait, how high their head is tilted into the air, the degree to which their chest is extended and the loveliness of their accent.

Currently the health system does not label whether blood has come from a Cork donor or not. This alarming flaw in the HSE’s system needs to change so that Rebel donors know their blood isn’t going to be wasted on someone from outside the county – blood donations in Cork would surely soar if this situation was rectified.

Despite demands from lobby groups on Leeside it is believed that HSE management have been reluctant to create a new ‘C’ blood type as those in need of transfusions may refuse to accept anything but that from Rebel county donors creating undue pressure on blood donation centres in Cork.

No Rebel would like to be presented with the following conundrum by a hospital doctor: take blood from a donor who is not from Cork and live in shame….or face certain death and go to your grave as a pure Corkman.

Those are two very stark life-altering options that any Cork man or woman should not be forced to choose from. Could you live with the shame, the misery and the guilt of not being a pure blooded Corkonian?

It is, of course, outrageous that an entirely separate blood stock has not been created for Corkonians and as a result patients are continuing to suffer.

“I had a blood transfusion after being bitten by a vampire in west Limerick and later found out that the donor was from Rathmore in Kerry”, said former hurler Padge ‘Mighty Puck’ O’Sullivan from Newtownshandrum.

“I felt different straight away. I started to feel equal to people from other counties and my sense of humour changed from a sophisticated wit to just trotting out puns. I’ve really tried to be ‘O’ so positive but my bloody efforts have been totally in vein. ”

 

Padge ‘Mighty Puck’ O’Sullivan whose sense of humour deteriorated after receiving Not-Cork blood

Those who have been affected by this scandal are forming a new charity to lobby for victims’ rights and reading their sad tales is tough going.

“I heard the Sultans of Ping on the radio there recently and I wasn’t even that into them”, said Micky Barrett from Togher, “I switched over to some Dublin radio station and found myself nodding along to that drip Glen Hansard cry-singing something into his guitar. I’d be entitled to compo for that, like. ”


To give your Cork blood to somebody who needs it check out this page:
https://www.giveblood.ie/Where_to_Give_Blood/Munster_Centre/Cork/