Israel to Continue Rathcormac Settlement

25th Mar 2010

Tensions in the Middle-Cork region have been exacerbated by an Israeli government decision to continue building settlements in the Rathcormac area, north of Cork city despite international condemnation.

Many semi-detached and terraced properties will be taken over by the Israeli Government and awarded to citizens who are attracted to the area for 'spiritual reasons' - many of whom are already secret members of GAA clubs.

Israeli tanks occupy Shanowen

Irish property developers and the Construction Industry Federation are believed to have visited Jerusalem and the West Bank recently to witness similar successful schemes and have welcomed the Israeli plans.

By occupying existing residential properties in Rathcormac and Bartlemy near Fermoy, Israel will force locals to seek new housing thus increasing the value of land held by the developers.

Local authorities say they are powerless, claiming they can do nothing to stop the Israeli action. A Cork County Council spokesman did admit that the scheme will go some way to help alleviate negative equity in the North Cork area as it will increase the value of local property albeit at the expense of existing residents.

Big Vinnies to re-open serving Kosher food

US Irish envoy Jean Smith said her country was "a loyal friend to Israel" and wouldn't be giving too much of a toss about whatever Israel does.

EU Justice Commissioner Viviane Reding said that the union was already committed to helping the Irish economy by supplying cheap interest for NAMA (Netanyahu Alliance for Mortgage Acquisition).

At the launch of his latest conspiracy theory brother of triple-flahbag outfit The Corrs and professional air-guitarist Jim Corr denounced the unanimous decision of Bride Rovers to make circumcision a requirement for all members.

Circumcision: painful at first but enhances performance.

A statement from the club said a foreskin removal scheme, funded by the club lottery, would take place next Sunday morning at the club house and members should bring their own band aids.

Fitzy's Fast Food are believed to be offering free Matzah ball soup with every large chips and coke while pensioner Máire O'Mahony (Ní Riordan) from Bartlemy said she was disappointed that a recent special offer on pork chops had been removed from O'Sullivan's Butchers shop window.