Playing for Cork: It Could Be You

26th Jul 2011

A lot of Cork’s male population have ‘phone anxiety’ this week. You know, that obsessive need to continually check one’s mobile just in case somebody’s has texted you - like the flah you gave your number to eight month’s ago or the fella who said he might be able to get tickets for some jazz festival gig that sold out eleven months ago?

You see it in nightclubs, bars, restaurants, work meetings and mass. You even get fellas ‘multitasking’ in bar toilets – checking if the craic levels are higher in another pub while they slash away against the wee-wee wall.

Anyone got Corkery's number?

The reason for such frantic phone monitoring in the People’s Republic this week however has nothing to do with beer, beours or bars. With such a mindboggling list of injuries to his gallant forwards, Cork football boss Conor Counihan and his team could be trawling the county for an 18-35 year old fully fit and healthy male who can kick a ball so everyone who ever played football on Leeside is on alert.

As the injuries rack up faster than clocks tick down towards Sunday’s quarter final clash with Mayo in Croke Park, even Junior B Sunday morning strugglers are half-expecting a text from the powers that be.

A potential Cork senior football half forward line and some fella trying to hide a shopping bag

What are the chances that on Sunday morning as you wobble out of one of the city’s fast food joints desperately trying to keep possession of a cheese burger while taking heavy shoulders from the incoming post-club hoards that you whip out your mobile, discover a mysterious text and end up having a conversation like this?

“Hey wanna go to Croke Park tomo?”

“Definitely. How much and what part of the stadium are the tickets for?”

“The pitch. Bring your boots.”

“LOL. Who dis?”

“No seriously. Bring your boots please….and get the half six train.CC.”

Suddenly the chances of this football fantasy coming true aren’t actually that remote at all given Conor Counihan’s woes: Colm O’Neill, Ciaran Sheehan, Nic Murphy, Barry O’Driscoll and Daniel Goulding are all in the sick bay. Then there are those like John Hayes and James Masters who opted out of the squad and Derek Kavanagh who retired with a bandy hip.

Cyril has seen enough of Conor Counihan's tactic to be able to slot in comfortably at corner forward

Just imagine it. You’ve been watching these brave victorious footballers for the last couple of years. You stood below at the stage on South Mall while they lined up to parade Sam Maguire last September. And now….you’re running up Clonliffe Road in a bog of sweat with a flimsy plastic pass that you had to print out at a dingy internet café on Parnell Street trying to convince Gardaí and stewards that you need to get into the Cork dressing room because you’re supposed to be playing.

Finally, you reach the bowels of Croke Park with beads of sweat that still hint of last night’s cider trickling down your face and burst in the Cork dressing room door immediately silencing the assembled rebels.

Things are going to get confusing at Cork training sessions

Conor Counihan swivels round and the entire squad, including those in crutches and supports, look you up and down: Slight stout belly, unshaven, untidy, red eyed, possibly still half locked….but has boots and is from Cork. Will do.

“Can you play corner forward?” booms a voice from the back.

“Yes. Although I haven’t togged out since nineteen-ninety thr...”
“You’ll do…put this on”.

A Cork jersey is always to be respected but noting the number “87” printed on the back it’s clear that quite a few phone calls were made before that late night text was sent out to you.

It's never too late or too heavy.

Back in the real world, Bainisteoir Counihan should still be able to put out a quality team on Sunday that will continue the Rebel County’s torturous record of victories over Mayo.

The condiment county has never beaten Cork in the football championship (and they don’t do hurling) but a recent hard-fought Mayo victory in Castlebar will give the Rebels sufficient motivation to put the Connaught champions back in their box by 6pm.

It may not come to eleventh hour call-ups but this Sunday will be another tough test for the Rebels and one we are sure they will embrace and overcome with style.