Jobs in sport up for the bah

6th Dec 2002

A new Cork recruitment agency has contacted PeoplesRepublicOfCork.com with a very special announcement which it believes is its biggest coup to date. There are two job categories for very highly skilled individuals. In each category there are approximately 60 vacant positions which the agency believes may be of interest to loyal Corkonians who visit this site.

In a letter from F. Murphy Recruitment Ltd. the agency pleads with us to help them fill these vacancies in time for the new year.

"Dear Sham,
 I'd like to ask you to display the following jobs to your people there on those computer things and what not. There is a company who I represent that has recently lost some of its... employees... who have been quite bothersome lately. The comapny is desperate to find a favourable economical solution. Although we detest the language and tone of your website and the community of users you breed can you please display the following employment opportunities. There are approximately 60 vacant positions. 

Yours desperately,
F.Murphy Recruitment Ltd - your ageing lifestyle specialist

Skills Required 

candidate must:

- be a team player
- be fit and willing to learn quickly
- have at least 10 years amateur experience
- preferably Cork born but anything will do at this stage
- prepared to wear sponsorship from multi-million euro mobile phone corporation

Candidate should have experience in the following:

- vigorous ass kissing *
- running around a field six nights a week in subzero temperatures
- running around sand dunes for hours and an ability to wade through one mile of sea water down in Garryvoe
 - driving up to 100 miles to roll in shit, muck and sludge with other men
- enduring torturous bus journeys
- long term bleeding without loss of life (preferably on a moving vehicle and without seeing a doctor)
- being publicly humiliated after you puke from extreme physical exertion   
- an ability to perform extreme physical activity for approximately 70 minutes on a diet of lettuce and ham sandwiches
 

As well as agreeing not to join any union whatsoever, candidates who make it to the interview stage must agree to take a lie detector test, an IQ test and be assessed by a team of psychologists. 
 
Salary: EUR0.00 (NON- negotiable) plus occasional benefits such as pride. 1 x red t-shirt will be provided to keep candidate warm during late night outdoor sessions**  

Please send your CV and a photo to F. Murphy Recruitment Ltd., c/o Pairc U'