Lance Defeated by Patricks Hill

27th Aug 2009

Lance Armstrong Beaten by Patricks Hill

Armstrong winces in a shower.

He might be the cycling king of the Pyrenees, the Alps and many other challenging hills but he finally met his match in the Rebel County.

Lance Armstrong, winner of seven Tour de France titles, survivor of multiple cancers was finally defeated at the weekend by the hills of Cork.

Citing a few rain showers as the real excuse for his retirement from the race, the American rider pussied out after attempting to climb Patrick's Hill - a doddle to most Cork children and their five gear racers.

The few Corkonians who turned out to see the so-called fittest man in the world (obviously that excludes Nicholas Murphy and Graham Canty) were thoroughly disappointed to see the supposed legend wince as his muscular frame approached the bottom of the hill.

A bit of a hill.

Not only that but he gave up barely a few yards into the slanty slopes of one of Cork city's highest peaks. As Armstrong puffed and panted a seven-year old with stablisers zipped past on his way up to Old Youghal Road.

Not only that but he didn't even have his hands on the crossbars as he waved at ailing Armstrong and the other puffed out pansies. You wouldn't mind but the young fella had been playing tip-the-can for half the morning and then went on to act out Daniel Goulding's goal twenty times before tea.

At least Tyrone can be comforted by the fact that they weren't the only 'champions' shown up by what Cork threw at them last Sunday.