Lapdog Was Only Dry Riding

13th Jul 2013

Prize horn dog Cork East TD Tom Barry was simply illustrating the “dry ride” technique in the Dáil on Thursday night when footage shows him bizarrely pulling fellow Fine Gaeler Ann Collins on to his lap according to sources close to PROC.
 

Many people from Mr. Barry’s stomping ground of Killavullen near Mallow are reputed to favour alternative methods of artificial contraception including the infamous dry-ride which he performed on national TV on Thursday night.

The dry ride is a safe way of having sex by which the langer and the lady garden never actually come into direct contact. Instead of penetration pleasure is achieved using vigorous friction.
 

Crowley's no lapdog

Mr. Barry has not confirmed whether he orgasmed but men from Killavullen are said to be notoriously efficient as they practice the technique from a young age. Our sources in the area have examined footage and said that Mr.Barry has probably broken a local record.

It is unclear whether dry-riding is compatible with abstinence campaigns waged in the so-called Bible Belt area of the U.S. but by highlighting the technique on national TV Mr. Barry’s is hopeful that dry-riding may achieve global notoriety now that a publicity coup has literally fallen into his lap.
 

Hand-y job

“This saves a fortune on condoms and the mess gets contained”, said a local source, “why pay through the nose for bits of plastic when you can keep his nibs where he belongs but still feel like you’re riding? Tiz a no brainer and I guarantee you that your one who he dry-rode is not pregnant either.”

When secondary schools return in September it is suspected Mr. Barry will tour them explaining the new safe-sex technique to teenagers. 
 

@Cork