Mayo Fans To Have Hands Surgically Removed From Faces

18th Sep 2017

Several Cork doctors have offered their services free of charge to help Mayo fans remove their hands from their faces after their ninth All-Ireland final loss since 1989. For a strong footballing county incredibly most fans have never witnessed an All-Ireland victory. When the county last won Sam Maguire dinosaurs still roamed the earth and Mayo was only a short six mile crossing from the east coast of America.



Thousands of anxious relatives of crushed Mayo fans have contacted hospitals this week with concerns about their loved ones. Many have told doctors that their loved ones have been unable to take their hands down from their faces after yet another fruitless football championship and have sought medical assistance.

A group of volunteer medics from Mayo called ‘Medicins Sans Victoire’ have appealed for more doctors to join them in trying to help fans, some of whom are requesting they have their eyes and ears removed temporarily and kept in ice until next season to shut out any reminder of their county’s painful failures.



“Reversing a permanent face palm is not easy”, said Dr. Felicity Palmer whose team has been researching and working on the condition in Mayo since 1952 at the University of Castlebar, “the only real solution is for Mayo to win Sam Maguire to release all these hands but they’ve mad a bags of it again this year so we’ll have to get the bloody surgical knives out again”.
 

Mayo fans are asked to be extremely careful when removing their hands from their face