My Big Fat Sulky Chaos

15th May 2012

Now that the dust and pieball excrement has settled on last week’s controversial Mallow Road sulky race it may be time for some sober reflection.

Shocking footage online shows manic travellers following a sulky race at high speed, driving on the wrong side of the Mallow Road narrowly avoiding oncoming traffic while ignoring the instructions of Gardaí.

Don’t you just hate when people try to help you avoid your imminent death? You’d wonder what these langers would think if they were on a boat with a malfunctioning rudder destined to strike a rock and a lifeboat or coastguard helicopter came to their rescue?

Using the same twisted logic, the Mallow Road gombeens would call them “dirty beagle bastards” and throw lifebuoys at those trying to save their lives hoping to down the chopper to teach them a lesson for interfering in their “culture”.

The people involved in the Mallow Road madness last week are total and utter langballs.
To say anything otherwise would be a disservice to law abiding travellers.

Traveller PR could do with a bit more of Albie McDonagh and a but less of Sulky McDonagh

For many Cork feens with a pulse and an eye for adventure there may have been a little piece of us, however small, that aside from the ludicrously high risk of being turned into pulp by an articulated lorry and the guilt of causing a massacre of innocent motorists, that thought sulky racing might actually be a bit of a buzz.

Yeah, go on, you did. Batin’ down a road on something with the wind in your face is a thrill that bikers, cyclists, skateboarders and go-karters all get off on and few Corkonian males didn’t yearn for a thrill like this when they were young and carefree. Nobody wants to deny anyone access to adrenaline fuelled sports as long as they’re not a risk to anyone else. 

We'll take dressing up as orange trees over chaotic sulky racing anyday

While condemning the Mallow Road madness traveller groups have called for a track of some sort to be made available for sulky racing.

Fair enough.

If it keeps travellers like the crowd who recklessly endangered the lives of Corkonians last week from causing bedlam on the roads then it’s worth looking at.

Cork Race Course might consider it, like its equivalent in Dundalk has, or the idea of blocking off a major road on a weekend morning once or twice a year for sulky racing wouldn’t cause a whole pile of inconvenience to anyone.

Somewhere like the Carrigrohane Straight has been used for racing in the past but any races would have to administrated, signed, approved and marshalled properly with no streams of vehicles in blind pursuit of the sulkies and no disrespect shown to those in uniform trying to prevent deaths.

The Cork Grand Prix on the Carrigrohane Road in 1938

The only people who can really make this happen are travellers themselves.

So let’s have ye.

Do what every other group who wants to win favour with the councils have to do. Form a group, set goals, meet councillors, meet the community, lobby hard, make gestures of goodwill, be prepared to compromise and when you meet a brick wall keep trying.

Most events like these run on pittance – in fact this weekend’s Trash Culture Revue Festival in town prides itself in running entirely on volunteers and empty pockets – so let’s not have the “but sure the government are doing natin’ for us” line. They’re not doing much for anyone these days.

It could be exactly the good PR travellers need especially if they capture it on camera and put it online as they seem to be so adept at doing.

Straight up: Fair play now boss, fair play

The selection of videos of male ‘traveller culture’ online is dominated by some form of violent or intimidating activity: bare knuckle fist fighting, driving down the wrong side of dual carriageways or fellas roaring threats to other travellers into cameras like desperately bad auditioning Hollywood wannabes.

The vast majority of people recording and putting these unsavoury clips online are travellers themselves so while it’s an unfair representation of that group in general it’s equally not unfair for others to get the wrong impression of travellers as a whole.

The only way to counter it is with positive stuff to cast aside these images and not to solely rely on the silly mantra of ‘ah sure we’re not ALL like that’ and documentaries about young brides in fake tan and shockingly expensive dresses.

Organised sulky racing that encourages settled people to attend or even partake in might be a a start.

Can you imagine it? McDonaghs, Wards, Quinns and Nevins in high vis vests marshalling the public politely, handing out race cards and goodies to inquisitive kids and, the bit no event or festival committee enjoys, cleaning up afterwards.

Do travellers like those who caused bedlam on the Mallow Road really want this to happen though? Like that of equally ignorant boy racers, is there not a thrill in the irreverent and chaotic manner that the races take place?

Sulky Does Safety

If sulky races are such an important part of traveller culture then it’s time for them to get real and formalise the races with proper structures, rules and regulations. In traveller parlance that usually boils down to what they call ‘fair play’.

If not then they should stop repeating the tired old clichés and just keep this insane chaos off Cork’s roads.