No Corkonian Caught by April Fools

Relief as Tom Cruise Officially 'Not From Cork' >>

No Corkonian Caught by April Fools

3rd Apr 2013

A nationwide survey monitoring the foolishness of Irish citizens has revealed that nobody in Cork was fooled on April 1st.

Known internationally as “Fools Day” the twenty four hour period has become largely irrelevant in the People’s Republic due the sharpness of Leesiders and their infamous lack of foolishness.

He'd love Cork

The results showed that the number of people calling helplines, emergency services and other modes of assistance peaked in counties like Kerry and Dublin on the first day of the month however there was “no significant increase” in appeals for distress from Corkonians according to the survey.

A scale showing the stupidity of people on the island has been published and Dublin tops the poll.

In recent years, due to catastrophic banking bungles the Pale’s dim wittedness has been massively exposed due to the bungling of Ireland’s worst ever Taoiseach Bertie Ahern who narrowly surpassed Dublin’s Charles J. Haughey – his shady shenanigan ridden tenure now slipping into second place.

The county has dislodged long term record holders Kerry who catapulted to pole position in 1975 when thousands queued in the rain below in Killarney to buy waterproof teabags.

Innovation Kerry schtyle

Hot on the heels of The Kingdom are the misfortunate counties of Wicklow and Carlow - both turbo boosted up the official index of foolishness by the massive feats of idiocy racked up by ex-Anglo chief Seánie Fitzpatrick and property failure Seán Dunne, who between them have lost more money than exists in the entire world.

The Guinness Book of Records are said to be considering our application to have Seánie Fitz’s attempt at managing a bank entered as the official “World’s Biggest FAIL”. We have also suggested to those running The Gathering that Fitzy’s fail be celebrated this and every year with a national festival on April 1st to promote cop-on among Irish people.

Wicklow's daw

Corkonians were initially concerned that a few incidents over the last 12 months would have jeopardised the county’s reputation as the “No Fool” capital. In 2007 adjudicators were heavily lobbied to discard the foolishness of Stephen Ireland when he declared he had to pull out of a match for the Republic of Ireland due to the death of one of his grandmothers – both of whom turned out to be alive and well.

As Stephen had spent an unhealthy amount of time away from Cork it was decided to eliminate this epic act of foolishness thus keeping Cork on zero fool points.

<< Sarsfield Flyover Piles Emerge in Oz

Relief as Tom Cruise Officially 'Not From Cork' >>