Permit for Kerrymen Speaking in Public

22nd Jan 2013

A new permit system allowing Kerry councillors to speak in public is under consideration after the latest bizarre outburst from pro-drink driving councillor Danny Healy-Rae.

The South Kerry man, famous for being the son of Pothole Filling King Jackie, has suggested that permits be issued to drinkers by Gardaí to allow them to drive whilst completely langers.

Sure I've only had three or four Guard

Although failing to properly articulate any detail of how it would actually work in practice, it is assumed that customers of Mr. Healy-Rae, who happens to own a pub in Co. Kerry, would be allowed to drive directly into other cars and mow down pedestrians at will.

When the Gardai arrive at the scene the permit system proposed by Mr. Gombeen-Rae would allow them a free lift home in a squad car and access to a stash of cider carried in all Garda veh-hickles. The permit would also entitle the bearer to free drink at their victim's funeral and inquest. 

Daddy

It is unclear if Gardai on duty would themselves be allowed to apply for a permit. This would level the playing field as not doing so would give the lawmen an unfair advantage when trying to apprehend bar customers during high speed rural car chases. 

Another Kerry source said the so-called "Steer Goggles Permit" should be implemented to liven up nightlife in Kingdom especially now that their footballers exit the championship in mid-summer and there’s little or nothing left to do except to drink and drive.

It is yet to be established if Councillor Rae has been on the piss for the last week.  
 

Under a new system proposed in Cork today, ALL Kerry men in public office would require a permit to speak in public having been vetted by somebody from another county.

If the speech is laden with pitiful illogical backward nonsense that is likely to bring shame and embarrassment on the nation then permission to speak out loud would be refused.

Recently evidence came to light indicating Mr.Healy-Rae  was 29% horse.

After this week’s ramblings the FSAI have pledged to investigate the councillor further to see if the complete horse shit he talks may reveal him to be a higher percentage of horse than was originally thought.