Pope Found in Horse Burger

18th Feb 2013

Pope Benedict’s surprise resignation last week is linked to the horse meat scandal which broke in Ireland over a month ago which is now engulfing the European Union and may result in the End of the World.

Test results conducted by the European Institute for Food Safety have revealed that a number of horse burgers sold by major Irish and UK retailers contain more than 30% Pope meat. How the Pope’s DNA ended up in the food chain is being described by the Vatican as a “divine mystery” - a phrase used by the Church when faced with empirical evidence contrary to their beliefs.

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A Vatican spokesman (in fairness, it was hardly going to be a woman) said that the Catholic phenomenon of ‘transubstantiation’ may explain the findings. This is the miraculous conversion of food such as communion wafer, into the actual flesh and blood of a Holy individual such as Jesus Christ.

“A young trainee priest may have accidentally said the Catholic ‘Prayer of the Eucharist’ in front of a meat processing plant while walking past or passing in his car thus turning the nearest source of food into the flesh and blood of God’s representative here on Earth ”.

A worker at a meat plant finds a piece of the Pope's hat and a pro-life flyer

Ratzinger was unavailable for comment when we called the Vatican as he was busy packing his suitcases with the free underpants he got as Pontiff. He resigned early last week after hearing that his DNA turned up in several tests.