PROC Band Camp - Part 1

7th Apr 2008

PROC Band Camp - part 1
Danny Elbow

So you've convinced a few scrawny long haired music maestros to be in your band. Now that the easy bit's over it's time to get down to business. On our website we see many new bands make the same mistakes as their predecessors over and over again.

Varying levels of commitment and vast gulfs in aspirations can cause havoc in a group bound together only by their lust to make a good tune. So in the interests of helping to ensure the superiority of Cork's thriving music scene here are a few of the things we've seen crop up too often to keep shut.

Practice Makes Pain
If you're being seen as settling into the unofficial band player-manager, the less motivated (i.e. lazy gits) ones are going to take the mick so you so get used to it. You'll have to walk the fine line between making sure the band's progress plods along nicely and not falling out with the desperately unpredictable but undeniably vital cogs of your brand new music machine.

To build a set relatively quickly you'll probably need at least two practices a week. Setting up practice sessions can often be a nightmare but try to find a regular night of the week that suits everyone and then set up another session at the weekends. Arrange it so that practice is assumed to be on every week and that texts confirming this aren't necessary - that way there can't be any excuses about not having phones switched on.

Knock knock
With just one session per week you'll spend the first hour trying to remember what you did last time instead of progressing. Top up-and-coming bands practice every day because when the Ryan Tubridy Show or the prolific TG4 come knocking looking for a last minute replacement band you'll need be as tight as possible to capitalise on the hundred thousand or so people tuned in.

If there are two particular band members who can't agree on a time or keep cancelling band practice then don't be the fool caught in the middle. Get them to sort it out between themselves and then call you and the more flexible members of the band with the compromise arrangement. This saves you feeling like you're a hyper-menstruating middle aged mother giving out to all and sundry - as well as some valuable mobile credit and a head full of possible dates for the next outing.

Ban Mobiles
Unless your bass player is expecting a call about his dying Grandmother or you're expecting Johnny Sony to call with details of your new studio with the panoramic sea views in Monaco you've got to turn all phones off during practice.

That's "off" and not on silent. As well as the annoying buzz in the PA speakers every few minutes they provide a permanent distraction. Some mobile lovers can't resist the temptation to answer a call mid-tune which causes valuable progress to grind to a halt.

This scribe once witnessed a drummer trying to read texts from a mobile phone positioned on the ground next to his hit hi-hat stand with his toes. Needless to say the tune's tempo wavered as wildly as tempers in the room.

Being Late
Musicians are the most unreliable people on earth. When little children decide to take up an instrument it's as if they are subjected to a mysterious operation in their sleep to remove the part of the brain that deals with punctuality.

While you might be twiddling your thumbs in the practice room at the agreed rendezvous time of 7pm, your band members are sitting on the couch watching the end of Home and Away.

Realising it's now time they were half an hour's drive away, they might start thinking about having a shower before getting ready. Any logic like having the car pre-loaded with their equipment is wishful thinking.

When they arrive they won't acknowledge that they are late and will instead sit on their equipment and recall stories of how 'utterly crazy' their weekend was. After that they'll have a smoke. When they've made a cup of tea and rolled another smoke they might eventually start opening hard cases and plug in.

Just as you're about to politely suggest you get things under way, your man will announce with a chuckle that he has actually forgotten to put the guitar into the case and will have to head back home to get it.

Grin and bear for the sake of Cork. Next week we'll have a sconce at boozy drummers, local bluffers and getting your band ready for the road.

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