PROC Intelligence Report: Buenos Aires

30th Jul 2008

La República Popular de Cork - Intelligence Report from Buenos Aires
Comrade Uinsinn MacCearat

Every Corkman and woman knows that it's unwise for a true son of Finbarr to spend too long away from the Banks. In fact, the only advantage of self-imposed exile is that the traveller is able to more fully appreciate the Republic's status as the epicentre of human achievement. It's like giving up the gat for the month of February. You appreciate the other 11 months of the year all the more.

However, the hArd Comhairle has long recognised that our City State must respond to the challenges of a globalised world through the promotion of trade and cultural exchange with like-minded communities. With this in mind, the PROC is assembling a dossier on the Argentine capital, Buenos Aires, for the benefit of our expeditionary forces.

Part 1: Establishing your credentials

There are two principal ways of establishing your revolutionary credentials with porteños, as the locals of Buenos Aires are known. The first is to indicate, in a subtle way, that you too are from a nation that has had to fight against oppression and injustice. A discreet reference to Che Guevara, their most famous revolutionary son, is guaranteed to produce the desired result.

I have found it helpful to wear these daycent socks, and to reveal them to potential sympathisers. This often results in the forging of a great sense of camaraderie with the locals (Photo 3 Rocio).

A second tactic is the understated use of the People's Republic logo. The t-shirt may be worn beneath your outer clothing, and revealed when a certain level of confidence has been established. The results of this policy can be even more rewarding (lamp old dolls above)..

However, it should be noted that not all Argentines are committed to our cause, and the sight of the blood and bandages can provoke the occasional hostile response among those who took the wrong side over Saipan. Be well wide about taking taxi drivers into your confidence, as their preference for Kilkenny is notorious in these parts (see photo above with KK cab colours). Wherever possible, you should let them know who the top biys in hurling really are.

The following useful phrases are sure to strike the right opening note with the locals:

¿Qué pasa, che?
Alright, biy?

Tu pelo te queda bárbaro, nena.
Your hair is only savage, girl

Roy Keane y yo somos de la misma ciudad, ¿lo sabías? No te estoy tomando el pelo.
Did you know that Roy Keane and myself are from the same city? I'm not codding.

Los dublineses son todos muy boludos, ¿verdad?
Dubliners are all complete langers, wha?

Cuando pueda, debería poner The Ball & Chain, de Romanthony. La gente se volverá loca, se lo juro. No es una broma, tengo una copia acá, en el bolsillo de mi campera.
When you get the chance there you might drop Balla. The crowd will go mental. I'm not joking, I have a copy here in my coat pocket.

Si venís conmigo a mi departamento, te enseñaré la famosa morcilla blanca de Clonakilty. Luego te preparo una taza de té, de la marca Barry's.
Come back to my gaff there and I'll show you a bit of the famous Clonakilty white pudding. Then I'll make you a nice cup of Barry's.

Next time: Buenos Aires is just like Cork, only about 50 times bigger…