PROC’s Guide to Looking Hard in a School Uniform

31st Aug 2016

PROC’s Guide to Looking Hard in a School Uniform

Pana is full of uniforms again with schools back in session. If you’re a feen struggling to carve out a reputation as a hard man then check out our scobe’s guide to dressing ‘properly’ for school…

Jewellery/Sovereigns – eye studs
Nothing says you are a tough mudder better than an array of shiny jewellery – particularly sovereign rings – and goldy-ier they are the better. This isn’t about wearing a ring because it represents something close to your heart but more because you want fellas to think that if they pick a scrap with you then they’ll have an imprint of an engraved rattle snake on their temple when you clock them one.

Tracksuit Pants
The “P.E.” defence will allow you to get away with wearing trackie bottoms on the day you’ve got to tog off and do sports – but only once. “Sir, the school rules say ‘dark grey pants’ and this is wanna dem, like”. When he backs down and mumbles that the school’s website will be updated tonight you can add yourself to list of school legends – most of whom are out of prison by now.

Top shirt button open
Anyone with their top button closed is a either a softie or a southsider. In fact if you go around with it closed you’re pretty much cruisin’ for a bruisin’. The more buttons you can open the better too as it’ll reveal the hand-me-down Bobby Sands Celtic t-shirt your uncle gave you after winning it at a Wolfe Tones gig in 1987. Most feens will pay you much more respect as they know you are probably in the I.R.A. and would only have to send a single snapchat to have them disappeared.



Tie worn
The tie is a fantastic fashion tool to work with if you’re trying to achieve that I-don’t-give-a-toss-about-skoool look. The further down the knot is from your collar the less of a toss you clearly give. If you see a fella who wears the knot around his rib cage it means he hasn’t opened a book since his communion. He has rejected conventional education as “pure ssss-chew-pud” and instead goes bushing to receive wisdom from the elders of his tribe who teach him much more practical life skills like the easiest ways to hotwire a car and the how to roll a joint with one hand.

Shoes
The very word is like a red rag to a bull for anyone trying to show they don’t give a fiddlers about school. It’s runners all day and in every way – and the brighter and more luminous the better to contrast with the plain ugliness of your uniform.

Teachers will complain and send notes home that’ll just be used as roaches and just like the way Bobby Sands stuck to his beliefs when he freed all the rappers in America from slavery, you’ve got to stick to your principles too – you just don’t do shoes.

Hair
You need to be careful here because at the top of most school uniform rules is usually one about not dying your hair so your natural instinct might be to run into town and buy the most fluorescent dye you can get and delight in seeing your buddies watch you being frog marched up to the headmaster’s office – the big purple head on you.

Getting a suspension might add to your street cred but coloured hair is the preserve of mini-goths and neo-punk nerds that hang out around Paul Street. Are you sure you want to be lumped in with them when you’re trying to carve out a reputation of being a hard ass? That crowd all HUG each other when they meet, like!



Tattoos
Hipsters have ruined tattoos for those who used them to tell everyone that they were scobes. With this yoke called irony that was invented by hipsters, the latté swilling beardies now get things like Love Hate printed across on their knuckles that was previously the preserve of proper scobes who had to present their criminal record to the tattooist to be allowed to have such warning signals permanently stamped onto their skin.

That said it’s never too early to get yourself some fake ID and a gaudy tattoo that can be seen with your school uniform on. The best place to get one if you want to come across thrashy and tough is around the neck – some sort of dragon tail or manky looking serpent swirling above and below the collar lets people know that you are not to be messed with.

Blazers
Compulsory blazers in Cork’s fee paying schools pose a particular problem for those who want to come across as hard working class scobes as their very purpose is to show that you are from richer stock than students from other non-fee paying schools. Worn inside out however once you’re outside the school adds creative defiance (a posh way of saying giving the two fingers to the school) that will gain you kudos from your classmates and make you look like a langer in front of everyone else!