Queen may hand back 6 counties

21st Mar 2011

It has been suggested by sources close to the British royal family that recent humiliating defeats in both cricket and rugby by Ireland may prompt a surprise announcement from the Queen during her visit to the Republic in May.

With a resounding 24-8 drubbing in Lansdowne Road Stadium on Saturday evening by Cork’s Donnacha O’Callaghan and his teammates on the back of a thrashing by the Ireland cricket squad in Bangladesh, England now appears at such a low when it comes to Irish affairs that it may actually concede sovereignty of the six counties during the Queen’s visit in May.

Blighty finds himself in a royal mess

Martin Johnson, the English rugby coach, who once insulted the President of Ireland Mary McAleese as a player, may find that his tactical mistakes may be pivotal in securing the final wrapping up of what was once known as the British Empire.

Long a self-proclaimed bastion of ‘civilisation’ England now lies defeated on every front and none more face reddening than being whipped at your own games by a former nation you brutally oppressed.

F**k your chariot, I've got a horse outside

The Queen visits the Irish Republic on May 17^th and many British diplomats, worried at the their country’s dreadful away performances fear that the monarch may capitulate under Irish-stout-infused bowel pressure and end up handing back the six counties by accident.

As an ailing Albion tries to come to terms with its new lowly position in the world, sources at Buckingham Palace have suggested that it is also possible that Northern Ireland may turn its nose up at being associated with such toe curling embarrassing failures.

Mrs. Windsor is being trained by specialists to avoid defeat during her away game in Ireland on May 17th

Prince William and yer one still haven’t ruled out getting married in Skibbereen as a gesture to the West Cork famine town and this is also expected to form a large part of Mrs. Windor's speech/apology when she arrives at Mary McAleese's lodgings in 'West Britain' in May. The Princess-to-be is trying to decide between Skibb and the East Cork town, Midleton, from which her family take their name.

Kate Midleton makes a joke involving soup and Skibberen during the couple's recent interview on Cork multichannel

The couple are said to be anxious to announce the chosen Cork venue with a well known local broadcaster who would travel to London to record it. However, given the concerns of Aer Lingus staff the couple are said to be happy to pop over to Cork for the day to make plans for their wedding public.