Rock Paper Scissors to Decide Draw

23rd Sep 2013

The GAA have announced that if Sunday’s All-Ireland Final replay results in another draw a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors will be used to determine where the Liam McCarthy cup will spend the winter.

The CCCC committee have issued instructions to referees and Croke Park officials on how best to conduct the competition in the event of another tie.

“This will be the sixth competitive clash between Cork and Clare this year”, said a source, “to be quite frank about it, we’re getting bored of it”.
 

C'mon the Rebels!

It is believed that following extra time if the sides are level again that the referee will call players from both sides to remove their helmets and cast aside their hurleys as he starts an intensive round of rock-paper-scissors.

“Each player will compete directly with his marker”, said the Croke Park official, “in a fifteen-against-fifteen manner. This may cause Clare problems if they revert to a sweeper system but it is the only way to separate the sides at this stage”.

It is understood that each pair of players will perform a best-of-three and the loser in each case will sit down on the grass while his victorious opponent will be asked to remain standing. The team with the most men standing gets to take Liam McCarthy home.
 

'Ref! Twas a fucking scissors not a rock...so it was'

Clare manager Davy Fitzgerald has already suggested that the outcome will be biased against his players although he admits he still hasn’t thought of a reason why.