Sarsfield Flyover Piles Emerge in Oz

1st Apr 2013

A leaked report has revealed the reason why the Sarsfield Road flyover is taking longer than expected to finish Seen by the Peoples Republic, the shocking report reveals that the ground is so soft in the Wilton area that some concrete piles have been driven so far into the ground that a large number of them have popped out of the ground in eastern Australia.

With the impressive Bandon Road flyover nearing completion locals have wondered for some time why it’s sister project barely a kilometre away to the east has lagged so far behind like the proverbial slow kid down the back of the class.

From the secret dossier seen by PROC this indeed seems to be the case with millions of cubic metres of concrete used to try to create a platform for one of Cork’s, and by definition, the world’s busiest highways on notoriously soggy ground.

Hundreds of piles from the Sarsfield Road flyover emerge from the ground in Australia

After almost a year of driving concrete piles into Wilton’s soft marshy ground it has emerged that the flyover’s foundations have reached the Australian surface in a town called Mullumbimby about 150kms south of Brisbane near the town of Byron Bay.

Reports from the rural Ozzie town suggested unusual seismic activity in recent months and investigators initially failed to find the source.

“Ah mate, first I thought it was some wubby and his sheila at it like a dunny door blowing in the wind”, said local Steve Calladingadong, “but strewth, it went on so long I said it’s gotta be something biggah”.

Piles are visible at the western end of the flyover construction
site in this aerial photograph

A bush ranger patrolling a clearing a few kilometres from Mullumbimby contacted police when he discovered a number of unexplained upright concrete piles emerging from the ground and a smell of stout.

A report compiled by the Australian Bureau for Unexplained Happenings (whose inconclusive investigation into why the ‘Home & Away’ character ‘Pippa’ had completely changed appearance overnight in July 1990 without explanation from the programme creators remains extremely controversial) has concluded that the piles originate from the construction site near Sarsfield Road roundabout in Cork – on the other side of the world.

Australia was diplomatically isolated in July 1990 after to failing to explain the mysterious overnight change of actor playing the character Pippa in Home & Away.

The condition of the site at Wilton has frustrated civil engineers from the beginning of the project who have said they had never come across ground as thoroughly and permanently wet. Recently they had been encouraged by the apparent harder dry ground they had found many miles below the area however it now turns out that this was arid ground just below the Australian surface.

Authorities in New South Wales have demanded that Cork City Council apply for planning permission to the local town council for the piles. Initially sceptical that the piles had made it all the way to Australia, Cork officials have since conceded after being sent data and photos of the piles by their upside down counterparts.

This young fella from Elmvale was recently mistaken for a kangaroo

Evidence is believed to have included a single sports page from the Evening Echo spotted attached to the end of one pile and another pile had the giveaway graffiti “Finbarr Leary is a Langball” written on the side of it with permanent marker. Since hearing the rumours of the Ozzie connection, banter among locals has been intense with many residents buying sun cream, snake traps and ordering ‘Neighbours’ box sets.

Elmvale local Curty O’Brien, who is embracing the panic, says he is afraid that the water table may contain deadly Australian animals.

“Sure, you wouldn’t know what might happen now in the comfort of your own home. You’d be afraid to turn on a tap now cos a shark might come out and bite the hand off ya.”

Last night there were a number of reports from nervous residents from the Sarsfield Road area of wild kangaroos jumping in and out of gardens in the Elm Park and Pinewood. When officials from Fota visited the scene they found a number of cans of cider and a torn tracksuit top concluding that the sightings were most likely down to “general late night youth revelry”.

This post-Easter weekend turd at St. Finbarr's hurilng and football club was mistaken for a crocadile.

A concerned local also phoned Gardaí after claiming to have heard a young man speaking in what seemed like an Australian accent around the Doughcloyne hotel. However, after sending a number of squad cars to the area it was confirmed that a local teenager had simply got slightly carried away with himself and accidently slipped out of his Togher accent for a moment when talking about emigrating down under with a friend.

The Sarsfield Road flyover or ‘Camp Soggy Bottom’ , as it is known by many workers at the site, is due to be completed in July this year and many experts have suspected that engineers have deliberately sent the piles all the way to Australia in an effort to draw heat into the Wilton area to dry it out.