Top 5 Sorrie Traffic Terrors

22nd Nov 2011

Now it’s the turn of the southside as we examine the top five gridlocks south of the Lee…

The Magic Roundabout
It is believed that when Saint Finbarre first came to Cork he arrived into the Lee Valley from west Cork and proceeded along the southside admiring the snow capped hills of the Northside - carefully keeping his distance though as a giant Yeti named Cornelius was said to road bowl with giant rocks around the area.

Legend has it that Fin Barre, having heard about the beautiful harbour further east, got stuck in chaotic horse and cart traffic where the Kinsale Road Roundabout now stands, pulled a half doughnut and headed back towards town where he set up his monastic community that quickly blossomed into the world’s best city.

The Magic Roundabout in all its glory

Had the Gougane Barra native not had this frightening experience at the magic roundabout ‘doing Pana’ might involve a view of Cobh Cathedral nowadays.  

To this day, despite the snazzy flyover, drivers grip their steering wheel, turn off distracting radio  ads and edge onto the confusing white spaghetti lines with great trepidation and sweaty palms: will today be the day that you hammer into the side door of a black Mercedes that appeared out of nowhere?

Half of Madonna’s Bra
Times must have been tough when this structure was placed at the intersection of Tramore Road and Pouladuff Road just off the south ring road near Scoil Stiofain Naofa. A structure that resembles a bad North Korean garden patio or a concrete tribute to half a scandalous Madonna bra sits proudly in the middle of the junction.

The ‘candle on the cake’ of this minor roundabout are the arrow signs on top that indicate one should go around the minor assemblage of discoloured bricks and not over it – it’s as if the engineers felt it was so pathetic in stature that some larger vehicles might consider it a speed bump.
 

The Tramore/Pouladuff Road roundabout which was modelled on an eighties Madonna bra. It was built in during a tea break with 72 bricks, a half bag of cement and four packets of bubble gum.

Being one of the busiest junctions on the southside traffic tailbacks here, especially over the bridge, can be murderous especially with many vehicles now choosing to “go Togher” instead of queuing up at the Wilton logjam further down the south ring.

Cars and vans swing around the little fulcrum very quickly making it a white knuckle ride for those forced to accelerate hard across the roundabout into a precious gap. Be wide!

Wilton’s Wagon Wheel
If you asked a road designer to come up with a piece of art that represents the current economic mess in Europe the latest chaos greeting motorists at Sarsfields Roundabout in Wilton would be fitting. Constantly changing lines of cones continuously challenge confused drivers – one mistake and you could be shepherded by flashing orange lights into buying underpants up in Tesco instead of collecting timber out in Togher.

The overhead pedestrian bridge was removed recently by the IMF.

Of course the result will be worth it. If there’s one spot in Cork where motor maniacs love to run the lights it’s this one as they rush from west to east along the south ring. The safety of Corkonians is paramount and if we can’t set up giant lasers at the junction to evaporate nut case drivers intent on endangering us members of the chosen tribe, then a flyover to keep them out of harms way comes a close second. Just hurry up with it lads.

The Rochestown Bored
Planners must have been blindfolded and listening to Bob Marley’s Everything’s Gonna Be Alright when they boldly approved massive housing developments in Rochestown and Passage West over the last twenty years. Every morning thousands of cars queue up in the single lane that provides access to the South Ring Road with monstrous tailbacks well beyond the Rochestown Inn and into the parish of Passage.

Dotting traffic lights along the road is like throwing a water balloon into an erupting volcano and is a typical local politician’s fob-off to suppress the fire of angry constituents who spend hours in traffic each week bored out of their skulls.

More traffic lights: At least you can check your email and look up pictures of flahs on the free WiFi as you crawl by the Rochestown Inn.

No primary school in the area multiplies the gridlock but the removal of the train line to Crosshaven that ran via Passage West and Monkstown in the early thirties is gut-wrenching to the pale washed out faces peering out through the condensation of car windows on the dark early mornings.

Park And Weave
The Pairc Uí Chaoimh nightmare is one that us Corkonians, certainly those of us with a knowledge of the city can steer well clear of while Kerrymen, Deise followers and Tipp fans plunge into it head first – much to our secret amusement of course!

With their own county stadiums in mind the visitors get caught up in the bedlam of match day traffic in Blackrock and Ballinlough by assuming they can park almost underneath the stands like they do back home. With fifteen minutes to go to throw in and locked in one mile an hour snail trails in Mahon you see them doubling back away from the stadium hoping to grab any space on offer. Good luck with that!

These Clare fans arrived this morning at Pairc Ui Chaoimh over five years late for a Munster hurling championship clash

When you’re buying unhealthy amounts of fizzy orange and taytos at half time you’ll see them bullocking their way through the turnstiles red faced and seething – angrily declaring they had to leave their virtual tractors in places like Douglas and Donnybrook because they couldn’t get parking anywhere else. Oh the satisfaction of experience– just park miles away good an early and weave through all the gridlock on foot!